Several weeks into the season, you are frustrated by your child's lack of playing time. The team is successful on the scoreboard, winning more often than losing, usually by comfortable margins.
As far as you can tell, other parents and athletes on the team seem satisfied with the status quo, even ones who also are sitting on the bench. But you wonder if a coach has a responsibility to get players into games even when there are no external rules or requirements to do so.
Your child has not complained about not playing, but you sense diminished enthusiasm since the season's start.
Should you talk with your child about this? If so, what do you say?
Should you approach the coach about this? If so, how would you go about it?
Is your approach affected by whether players had to try out to make this team?
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Response by PCA Founder Jim Thompson
Playing time is probably the biggest source of frustration and anger among sports parents, which is saying a lot.
An Unarguable Point
Kids love to play. They don’t like to sit on the bench. Moreover, most of the benefits of playing a sport are tied to competing in games. Kids who sit don’t benefit as much from sports as kids who play. I don’t see how anyone can argue with this.
Good Coaches Get Kids into Games
It is a tenet of good coaching that you get kids into games! Period. Whether there are any external rules for minimum playing time or not. Whether it is at the high school or highly competitive travel team level or not.
Good coaches get kids into games! They may be creative about how they get kids into games in high-stakes situations, because Double-Goal Coaches do want to win. But good coaches—Double-Goal Coaches—get kids into games! Have I made myself clear?
The Mad Dogs
One of the most creative ideas for getting kids into games came from a high school basketball coach in Ohio who attended a seminar I did many years ago. He took his bottom 8 – 12 players and termed them the “Mad Dogs.” The Mad Dogs knew they would play the last minute of the first quarter and the first minute of the second quarter in EVERY game, whether pre-season or the state title game. This accomplished a number of things:
• Unlike typical bench players, the Mad Dogs worked extremely hard in practice because they wanted to be ready for their moment. This pushed the starters to play harder which benefited the team on the scoreboard.
• They played all out during their two minutes. They were all over the court and had no hesitation about being highly aggressive. Over time, the coach told me, they actually became a competitive advantage to the team, with the team being in a better competitive position after the Mad Dogs exited the game than before they entered.
• Some of the Mad Dogs became starters. The self-confidence they developed helped them develop a sense of possibility of themselves as starters! And when an individual latches onto a sense of possibility, watch out!
The Utility of Blowout Games
Good coaches use blowout games to get kids into games, but they do so BEFORE the game becomes a blowout. Good coaches recognize a mismatch coming up and start kids who normally don’t start. If that puts their team in a competitive disadvantage, so much the better for the starters to come into the game behind, having to work hard to catch up. If the blowout is a blowout even with the subs starting, at least the subs know they played when the game was still at stake.
Coaching for Effort
A word about the primacy of effort: If there were only one life lesson from sports it should be that hard work is a key to success. I once coined the “equation,” S=E/T, Success comes from Effort over Time, and drilled it into my players every day. We might not win today, but if we give it our best effort, sooner or later, we’ll be successful.
Good coaches in high-stakes situations should reward effort as much as talent. They tell kids that effort will be rewarded and then they reward high-effort players with playing time, independent of ability. The message to a team when a weaker player who gives it her all gets into games on a regular basis is impossible to overstate.
Weaker players realize that they can get into games if they work hard. They don’t have to be as good as the best players on the team, they just have to outwork them! This is incredibly motivating to your weaker players.
And it is a wake-up call for your stronger players. If they don’t up their effort level, they will find their playing time limited, which they are not going to like.
What’s a Parent To Do?
What is a parent to do when your child does NOT have a good coach who gets kids into games?
1) Check out the ground rules. Are there any playing time rules in this program? If not, go to the leadership of the program to propose this.
2) Check it out with your child. Is your son upset by not playing? Ask him how he feels about this. Whatever you do, don’t exclude him from the process and complain to the coach without consulting your child.
3) Cut out the middleman (that’s you!). Instead of talking to the coach, encourage your child to approach the coach. Parents complaining to coaches about their child’s playing time rarely has good results. On the other hand, coaches almost always respond well to a player who comes to them saying, “Coach, I’d like to play more. What can I do to get more playing time?”
4) Find out your options. Is there another program (perhaps one affiliated with Positive Coaching Alliance) that recognizes the importance of playing time for every athlete? If all else fails, and your kid is still sitting on the bench all the time, vote with your feet. Take your child to a better program.
A Final Thought
Coaches of selective teams where playing time is not guaranteed need to be completely clear about this. Much negativity results from parents being disappointed when their (perhaps unrealistic) expectations about their child’s playing time are not met.
Coaches, be absolutely clear at the beginning. Tell parents and players what they can expect in terms of playing time before they sign on to the team. If you are not going to get kids in the game unless you are confident they will contribute to a win on the scoreboard, say that at the beginning. It will save you a lot of grief down the road.
-- Jim Thompson, PCA Founder
Posted by David Jacobson at 07/29/2008 06:17:43 PM |
Talking about this with your child is really step one. You need to get a sense as to his/her level of motivation to play. Children have an incredible sense of place in the order of things. But this conversation must be objective on the part of the parent and should not be felt by the child to be another moment to interrogate. Herein begin the hypotheticals in this conversation and that could go almost anywhere.
The child must also feel that you, as a parent, are not attempting to somehow undermine the decision making of the coach. The player/child may feel very comfortable with the coach.
If the parent discovers an unfulfilled desire by the child to play, then the next step is to encourage the child to ask the coach for more play time. Sometimes this is far more powerful than a parent as intermediary. Coaches do overlook players. This may be a good time for the child to demonstrate poise, assertiveness, and motivation to the coach.
Posted by: SoccerFrontera ( Email: ) at 7/30/2008 11:27 PM
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As far as talking to your child goes, I think that if you're taking the time and making the financial commitment to involve your child in a sports program, it's because you see some benefit coming from sports over and above having fun. An open dialog should have been established long before the first game.
Sport, like school or anything else your child may be involved in, carries responsibility for the parent. Your child needs to have an encouraged discussion with every aspect of life. Post game, a casual debriefing started by a "how'd it go today" is all that's required here.
If this dialog has been established, in this case you have 2 possibilities; the child is concerned with his lack of game time or he's not. Either way, if you yourself are being realistic about game time, you have an issue to address.
Mid season is the wrong time to take this to a coach. Plus the matter of a team requiring tryouts is not an issue in my mind. Coaching guidelines in matters like this need to be established on a league level. If your leagues goal is player development, coaches should be carefully selected and schooled to be on the same page with the development idea.
If this is the case, player game time has a different motivation than a strictly competitive or elite league. In elite play, winning is the only reason for taking the field and team tryouts to cull the best player are the way things need to be.
That said, the real world finds shortages of anyone even willing to coach or leagues on tight budgets that limit play space. In a situation like this with a coach bent on winning, it may likely be no use going to a coach about your child's game time.
The real answer here is that the basic tenets of PCA need to be worked on the league level. In addition to this, a league's philosophy needs to be very clear to the parents involved. Cases of tight budgets can only be addressed by the league parents through greater personal contribution or commitment to fund raising. Coaching shortages must also be addressed by the parents though coaching development programs or more active coaching recruitment.
Posted by: john eustace ( Email: ) at 7/31/2008 4:47 AM
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I believe a parent has every right to approach a coach and inquire about his child's playing time. Of course, there are many factors that play into a coach's decision process, and many of those factors may not seem obvious to a more casual observer.
The important thing is that there has to be good COMMUNICATION. the parent should demonstrate sound communication skills when approaching the coach (calm, professional, listen) and like all negotiations, should know in advance what they would like to come away with after the conversation. If a parent is not satisfied with the level of play, the first time he approaches the coach should probably be viewed as a multi step process in which they 1) communicate, 2) the coach provides some feedback explaining why this child is playing less and 3) develop a set of guidelines or goals to help the parent help the player to earn more playing time. Many parents who are actively involved in their kids lives can act as "coaching partners" and help the child understand what the coach is asking for and help the child to take meaningful steps which should result in more playing time.
I have coached youth baseball for 9 years and have dealt with more than a handful of situations in which parents have brought up the playing time issue. Every time, I reacted positively because I was glad that the parent cared enough to approach me, rather than sit in the stands and vent all season.
If the team is formed out of tryouts, then I believe the coach still has a commitment to communicate his playing time criteria and to meet and communicate with parents about players. Like school teachers often ask parents to help support the curriculum in schools and take an active role in the education process, coaches should encourage parents to act in this co-operative scenario.
Posted by: Scott Burford ( Email: ) at 7/31/2008 6:50 AM
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The previous responses are all good. With the specific case study the issues raise more questions before the appropriate answer can be given.
The age of the player and the competitive level of play is somewhat important. More important is the mutual understanding on the part of the player and family about playing time policies of the league and/or the team in particular.
Parents and coaches need to have a clear understanding of these issues at the beginning of the season so that they can decide whether or not to participate. Without a common agreement at the beginning of the season there will inevitably be misunderstandings during the season.
Having coached hockey for 37 years and coached soccer and lacrosse for many years, I have yet to see a player get better or have fun while sitting on the bench watching his or her teammates play. Philosophies about winning the games versus development are adult discussions. Kids just want to play.
Quality coaching is about sharing values, teaching valuable lessons for life after sports, and helping young people to expand and grow. I believe persistent sitting on the bench is inconsistent with the goals of youth athletics.
That being said, the case study is probably the rule rather than the exception. The parent should assess how thier child feels about the situation before having a discussion with the coach. The parent might want to encourage the player to have a conversation with the coach to ask for suggestions about what it will take to get into the lineup.
With players 12 or younger the parent may want to have a private discussion with the coach to get an understanding of the situation and clarification of the team policies and objectives. Each situation and sport are a bit different in regards to player utilization and policies. Finally, some kids are simply happy to be on the team. They are not concerned with playing time and in close games actually prefer to watch from the bench.
Posted by: Hal Tearse ( Email: ) at 7/31/2008 9:21 PM
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I think that it's important to put several things in place before a season begins. For a league, it's the promotion of positive coaching principles and selection of coaches who are committed to those principles. Likewise, if a league takes these principles seriously, then it should also supervise the performance of its coaches, while also gathering feedback from the parents of participants. This effort would also provide league administrators the opportunity to influence parental expectations and behavior.
For coaches, they should create an atmosphere of communication at the inception of the season. A pre-season parent meeting is a good time and place to initiate that. Parents should know what coaches expect, their philosophies, how they'll determine game time, their rules, and especially, how they need parents to communicate with them.
Similarly, coaches need to let their players know that it's okay to talk with them about any subject related to athletic participation. Let them know what they can do, when they're worried about playing time or their relationships with teammates, etc. I incorporate into my pre-season meetings a discussion of this topic, so that I can know what parents are thinking and they can know how I manage playing time.
Parents need to understand their child's objectives and expectations for participating in the sport. Parents also need to get their child's feedback about the quality of their athletic experience. It's important to create an atmosphere of non-judgement and support in which discussion can take place between parent and child about the child's participation. I recommend to my parents that they seek information from their children after games and practices, but avoid leading a child to certain conclusions and avoid judging the child, his/her teammates or the coach.
Managing this issue successfully requires anticipation and planning mixed with a lot of communication and some wisdom. If such an effort can't preclude all problems, it can certainly diminish them and lead to creation of a respectful and positive environment.
Posted by: Dave Smith ( Email: | Visit ) at 8/1/2008 9:38 AM
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Playing time is a major issue that all coaches will end up dealing with. Like oil, it's a limited resource that everyone wants access to.
I recently read a parent handbook for a high school football team that said, “Playing time issues are to be resolved between the player and coach. We will never discuss playing time issues with parents.” My guess is that this policy is designed to protect the coaches from having to deal with dissatisfied parents. In other words, this program attempts to deal with it by not dealing with it.
This program's policy illustrates the fact that coaches struggle to deal with receiving parental complaints, and that one of the most common complaints is about playing time.
I believe a follow up case study to this one, asking how coaches should respond to a parent’s request to discuss playing time would be really helpful. As coaches, we’ve all been there, and I know that I’ve struggled with this at times. What are your thoughts on how a coach should approach this?
Posted by: Mike Terborg ( Email: ) at 8/1/2008 9:45 AM
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Youth Sports should require everyone that practices with the team plays. Winning is way too important these days. Lessons from my father and my own 20 years of coaching basketball, soccer, and USA swimming are the basis of my opinion.
Here is a compelling story supporting my opinion: One of the best things you can do for your children is to get them involved in sports. Profound lessons about life can be taught in the proper sports learning environment. Winning is important. Everyone sometime in his or her formative years should experience the thrill of victory and, just as important, learn to deal with agony of defeat.
Sports should provide valuable lessons about teamwork, goal setting, self-discipline, humility, and health and fitness. Most important, qualified coaches should teach sound fundamentals and sportsmanship to our young athletes while striving to develop and instill a pure love and passion for their chosen sport.
There are some very disturbing goings on in the realm of youth sports these days. Several years ago I personally witnessed a prominent citizen coaching his daughter in the sport of swimming. This highly educated moron was pacing his 8-year-old daughter up and down our local pool and stopping her every few strokes to scream at her she was not performing the stroke correctly.
The girl was crying her eyes out while trying her best to please her father. I was devastated and wanted to hug the child and rip dad’s lips off. She has gone on to set records in her sport and is quite a young phenom. The newspapers have printed many stories about this young lady and her significant local, regional, and national accomplishments, fine.
They have also printed quotes from her parents about how they just can’t keep their young daughter out of the water, and how they don’t pressure her, and how loving and supporting they are of her endeavors. That makes me want to puke. They failed to print the fact that this young lady has belonged to nearly every year round swim program in this area (4) and has left each team because the teams would not allow them (mom and dad) to coach their daughter.
These folks are fanatics who only care about their daughter being a star and winning at all costs. I predict she will end up hating the sport (and maybe all sports) and may end up hating her parents and life in general.
The recent cheating locally and nationally in little league baseball is another appalling example of the way sports should not be. What a rotten lesson to teach our children that winning is important enough to justify lying and cheating. The vile coaches who planned and implemented the win at all cost scheme should be tarred and feathered in public and never allowed to coach again.
Perhaps the best way to convey my feelings about the way sports should be is to tell you a story about my father. He coached my Babe Ruth baseball team when I was 13. I was the star pitcher and batter and a big part of the reason our team was successful. I was not good at baseball because he had coached me from a young age but because I had a true love for the sport and had played the game with a passion every chance I got since the age of 4.
Our team practiced sound fundamentals and teamwork, and everyone played regardless of ability or the outcome of the game. We whipped everyone. During the league championship game we were winning a nail biter when my father made his usual coaching decision to play those that hadn’t played (not required in our league). I came off the mound and several of our other very good players were allocated to the bench.
We proceeded to fall behind and parents who had previously thought he was the greatest little league coach ever began to call him vile names. One of the subs that came off the bench ended up being our last chance to score and win in the bottom of the last inning. This kid was about 30 lbs overweight, wore glasses as thick as coke bottles, and almost never hit the ball.
As he walked up to the plate to face one of the fastest fastball Little League pitchers I have seen, the crowd groaned. We were doomed. Even I wanted to pull him and get someone up to the plate who had a chance to win the game and the championship for us.
The kid somehow closed his eyes, and connected with a three run homer to win the game. This kid was the star, the crowd was in frenzy, and my dad was once again the greatest coach ever. My father and I have laughed and talked about him and that experience many times since then and we always end up concluding that what we had seen was positive, life altering experience. We are sure that if he is alive somewhere he has never forgotten that moment. That folks is what sports is all about.
Posted by: Dennis Hatfield ( Email: ) at 8/2/2008 10:39 AM
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Thank you Dennis! This same conversation goes on year after year. Every child deserves to play, otherwise, the double goal coach just forgot the second goal. It takes a special coach to build a team from individuals. These coaches teach life's lessons by demonstrating that every child has value and has something to contribute to the team.
Posted by: LaxCoach ( Email: ) at 8/5/2008 10:04 PM
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This scenario, I believe, is quite common. I think first, the parent needs to examine why they are frustrated with their child's amount of playing time.
Is their child getting any playing time? very little playing time? or does the parent believe their child is so good they should be getting more playing time than others? Does the parent believe that there is too much of an emphasis on winning at the expense of other youngsters?
I think some of this has to do with the age of the child and basically, the younger the child(ren), the more an adult should intervene. I think the research is overwhelming in support of younger children being given an opportunity to participate in sports where the emphasis is on learning, encouragement, etc...vs. winning.
Hopefully the coach has communicated his/her position on playing time at the beginning of the season and the child is putting forth their best effort at practice, arriving on time, displaying a good attitude, etc...if not, encouraging your child to speak to the coach directly may or may not be an appropriate first step depending on the attitude and personality of the coach.
On the other hand, if it appears the coach's main goal is to win rather than develop young players, it may be necessary for a conversation to take place between the adults; coach, administration, etc... Other parents may or may not be satisfied with the status quo for a variety of reasons including a lack of awareness regarding what the research supports as far as best practices in coaching and youth sports or for fear that if they speak up, their child may lose even more playing time.
I believe that yes, coaches do have an obligation to get kids into the game. I believe that most people are reasonable and if there is a "close" game, championship, etc...most parents & kids are going to be understanding that their child might not get into that particular game, but with regard to the majority of the season, younger kids should be playing and should have meaningful participation, which provides them the opportunity to develop as a student-athlete.
Furthermore, I strongly believe that coaches who are employed by our public schools (or volunteer as coaches)have even more of an obligation to make sure their coaching practices are based on research and what is in the best interest of the development of the children. Should parents talk to the coach? If necessary, yes!
I think the parent should begin by requesting an appointment and simply have a conversation with the coach to find out what is going on. Looking at the bigger picture though, I believe the athletic directors and administrators have a duty to ensure that all of the school's programs, from academics to athletics are based on research and best-practices.
It is no longer acceptable to hire a coach, hand them the keys to the gym, and never speak with them again about the program. I believe there need to be conversations taking place at all levels, district level, site level, etc...with the input being solicited from coaches, parents, and student-athletes, as to what constitutes a good, quality, athletic-program.
The state of Maine, has a promising model "Sports Done Right" and much of the information can be found on the internet. Character development of student athletes is dependent on the behavior and leadership of both parents and coaches, and school athletic "teams" belong to stakeholders (community, school staff, parents, and most importantly, the students).
With that being said, I believe parents and others, should be having conversations with leadership at schools about best practices with regard to youth sports. As parents who support PCA, we have an opportunity to share this information and bring this information back to our schools.
There is a wealth of information available, from PCA and other sources, that parents and others can and should share with the leadership at their schools. We have the tools and the "blueprints" necessary to provide youth with quality athletic programs that are based on research.
If we are to change the culture of youth sports, we need to be sharing this information. The topic/issue of playing-time can be an emotional one at times, but again, there is an opportunity to be talking about our youth athletic programs and what is developmentally appropriate for our kids and how do we balance that with the other goal of winning.
Posted by: Marianne Akerland ( Email: | Visit ) at 8/6/2008 7:35 AM
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I'm pretty awe-struck by the depth of previous comments, so my posting is from the point of view of a program administrator:
Barring the possibility that the coach simply overlooked the child, the case clearly poses a problem of miscommunication regarding playing time, program objectives, etc.; the parent and coach don't share the same idea of what this child's playing time should be.
As was commented previously, mid-season is not the best time to clarify these differences...however, late is better than never.
Communication between parent and child should be a part of every youth sports program. Good programs should provide guidelines that ensure that the content and tone of this communication helps rather than hinders.
For the first conversation between parent and child in this case, the most important thing would be for the parent to listen. Depending on this conversation, both should agree on what to do next (this depends on a number of things including the age of the child - as noted previously).
Regarding whether the parent should approach the coach, a rule of thumb should be more communication is better than less, assuming it is well conducted. Part of the culture that administrators should nurture in our leagues and teams are rules for 'good' communication.
A possible approach in this case would be for the parent to assume there's a good reason he's not aware of, and to ask the coach what this is, and what can be done about it so both the team and the player are happier.
If there is indeed a reason why the child isn't playing, maybe something can be done to keep her happier and more involved while on the bench.
Finally, try-outs are a huge determinant of team culture. If they are designed into the program, it should send a signal that team performance (as measured by the scoreboard) rather than learning is going to be the priority. I believe both conversations should take place anyway, but both the coach and the parent should have anticipated the possibility of more bench time for some of the children, and should have managed their expectations even before signing up.
Posted by: Raul Escalante ( Email: ) at 8/6/2008 10:23 PM
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You did not mention the child's age, which is a critical distinction. Between 8-11 (at least) all sports, both rec and travel, have a moral responsibility to be fun, inclusive, based on team development to a much greater extent than winning. All the professional research of the last twenty years support this goal. At those younger ages playing time is crucial to children's physical and psychological developement. At ages 12-16 playing time on travel teams should be expected to be graduated, based on individual ability.
If it is an 8-10 year old I'm concerned with, yes I would talk to them, and assess whether there is a concern about playing time or just a lack of desire to play. If my assessment is that playing time is the reason for the diminished enthusiasm, then I would definitely talk to the coach privately, and determine his philosophy.
If it is an oversight, all should be well, but if he believes in what he is doing is the right way to coach children, off the team I would be, if my child was sufficiently upset. A rec league should be based on equal playing time (recreation=fun) and travel teams based on tryouts, playing time can be more variable, but all the kids that make any team should have meaningful minutes of play, however that is defined by the league and the sport. In youth sports, it should be not be about being the best, but about doing your best. Winning is an outcome we strive for in a game, but is not the real purpose of YOUTH sports.
And personally, having had this very problem occur with my five children with alarming regularity, I have fought at the town administration level for over a year, and finally I hear that all children 10 and under must recieve at least 25% playing time. It's a start, but I believe a national movement has to begin to take place, to prevent the abusive practices that are experienced by our youngest athletes.
Posted by: Frank Mc Mahon ( Email: ) at 8/8/2008 9:32 AM
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I want to thank Jim Thompson for his outspoken defense of playing time for all players on a given team in his comments above. Our local "sports foundation" belongs to the PCA, however, in the past when I have questioned our playing time rules in travel sports, it has been said to me that the PCA does not advocate for playing time specifically, either in their seminars or "Double-Goal Coach" book. Clarifying that point is a very brave, but urgently needed stand. Thank you again.
Posted by: Frank Mc Mahon ( Email: ) at 8/27/2008 9:03 AM
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While I believe all kids should get playing time, what lesson do we send to the kids when one kid shows up all the time, works hard in practice, and wants to learn, and the other kid shows up only when there is no conflict with soccer, where he is on the travel team, doesn't know the plays, and complains about playing time? Should both these kids get equal time? For Kid B, this is clearly not his high priority sport. For kid A, all he wants to do is play. What is the right answer? After age ten, while B may see the field, it won't be for long in my book.
Posted by: KCS ( Email: ) at 9/2/2008 5:49 PM
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To the above comment. Any question about youth sports should be answered with one filter, "what is the best solution for all the kids on a team or in a program," Kids who show the greatest dedication to practice on a particular team should be given preference to a child that doesn't make practices regularly or on time.
Far too often, the consideration is to give the most gifted (read early-bloomer) athletes the most time, at times at the expense of the more dedicated but less gifted (read late-bloomer) athletes, regardless of their individual dedication to the team and to practice.
A major goal of youth sports is to build a love of the sport, so that as many children that play when they are younger continue to play as they get older. Nothing will squash a developing love of a sport faster than a player that dedicates himself (herself) to practice playing less than those that do not show that same dedication.
Posted by: Frank Mc Mahon ( Email: ) at 9/11/2008 2:35 PM
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I find this so uplifting if more coaches would be this way especially at the high school level. Its hard to take when in a parents meeting hearing from a coach that if the player won't get playing time then they will be cut. But when cuts come and the player is kept but yet get no playing time. Yet the players can't really talk to the coach about little playing since they see that when that happens they get less. Let's get these players into the game.
Posted by: don ( Email: ) at 9/20/2008 8:54 PM
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Sorry to weigh in late on this one. One important point has been missed, namely - most youth sports teams are too large. If they are too large kids will get less playing time. Over and over again I've seen (volunteer) commissioners ask (volunteer) coaches to take more players, when they should have been working to find more coaches in the first place (even though this is a difficult and often thankless task).
Having coached short-handed teams I've observed that it's always been a positive experience - win or lose - because most players play all or most of the time, and they love that. (And, who can blame them!) They leave the game tired but happy, and proud of themselves. So, I'd much rather be short-handed - as a coach - than have too many players. For communities that can afford it, young coaches -typically college students - should be hired (for a small stipend) to fill out vacant coaching spots. I've seen this work, and wish I saw more of it.
Posted by: Mark Samuel Tuttle ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 8:43 AM
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