Ask PCA Your Youth Sports Questions

Collision Course -- October 2008

In a game that has grown increasingly out of control with rougher and rougher play, your child is shaken up, though not seriously injured, in a collision with an opponent that seemed intentional and unsportsmanlike.

How do you react?
What do you expect of your child's coach in this situation?
What, if anything, do you say to your child's coach, the opposing coach, or officials?
How do you address the incident with your child?

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Posted by David Jacobson at 09/23/2008 03:43:45 PM |

I am a coach and a parent. When things like this happen - doesn't matter if it is my child or any other - my "checklist" is like this:

1. Check if the kid iss OK by asking him/her.
2. If the kid says she/he is NOT OK, or does not say anything, come to the kid (I don't care at this point what the ref says: he failed as a kid referee) and take the kid off the field and try to check if there is an injury. Tend to the injury. Hydrate the kid.
3. If the game is getting rougher and rougher, talk to the other team's coach that this is getting out of hand, and I am going to forfeit, as I don't want any more kids injured on either side.
4. After the game, send an email to the club's head referee.
Posted by: Alex ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 6:12 PM

As a coach, I will ask my players to point out to the referee any player they might be having continuous problems with on the field of play. If I need to go on the field to attend to the player, I might mention to the ref that the game seems to be getting a little rougher then usual.

As a parent on the sidelines I will not react until the end of the game. My questions to my daughter are usually light in nature. I try to let her react to the game. If she vents about the collision I will usual show some compassion and then remind her that soccer can get physical. I will not approach the coach about it. On the other hand as the coach of my other daughter's team I will approach the ref at halftime or after the game. I will also contact the other coach via e-mail if I really am motivated to do so.
Posted by: Rob ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 6:16 PM

As a parent your concern is for your child. You have to trust in your child's coach that he should make comments to the refs at the appropriate times, time outs, end of quarter, and after the game. As a parent you can also seek out your parent rep for your team to talk to the coach and how to approach the situation in the future. You as a parent should not interact with the refs or the opposing team, stay focused on positive play and cheer for your team.
Posted by: Preston Irving ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 7:04 PM

I have run into this situation numerous times where a parent of one of my players or on one of my sons' teams feels/believes the game has become too violent and begins to yell at the officials, coaches and players My response to them is always the same. "If you truly believe your child was in physical danger, why didn't you pull them out of the event? I would assume their safety was more important than the event."

So my response to the above is to stay true to my own beliefs and pull my child from the event and talk about the situation with whoever I felt necessary after the event.

I would expect that the coach (if he felt as I did) would tell the official that he felt the game was getting out of control and if it was not brought under control, he would have no choice but to pull his team from the competition.

If I felt it necessary to talk with the coach or official, I would merely tell them why I pulled my kid, if they had something to say I would listen and if I agreed I would most likely end up in a conversation with them about it and if I disagreed I would just end it at that.

I would explain to my child that I pulled him from the event because I was more concerned for his well being than the game or whether he would be upset with me or not.
Posted by: Richard Scheinert ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 7:11 PM

Just last week in our first home game at my daughter's middle school we had a collision. A 6th Grade player on our team was going for a loose ball along with a player from the other team. Our player was in front and their feet got tangled and they both went down.

Unfortunately, our girl hit her face on the bleachers as she fell. She very bravely got up and said that she was ok. She didn't realize that her face was bleeding. She ended up having to go straight to the urgent care center and get her eye attended to. She had one long gash and a smaller one both right on her eyebrow.

The problem was that the girl whose feet caused her fall laughed at her when she got up off the floor and pointed at her and laughed once the blood started flowing. The referee did not put the girl out of the game despite how upset the girls were about this player's actions.

After the game I calmly went over to the coach of the other team, waited for her to finish her conversation with a parent and then asked if I could speak to her. I let her know what had transpired on the court and asked her if she could please talk to the player about her sportsmanship. The coach was receptive and thanked me for letting her know what happened. I think the fact that I came to her in a calm manner with a smile and extended my hand to her at the beginning of the conversation made the encounter a good one.

As a coach, I still was very upset at what happened to my player but was glad that the other coach was concerned about the attitude of her player and said that she would speak to the whole team. It's a start. The upside for the injured player even though she has decided that middle school basketball is too fast and rough for her is that she now has the respect of the upperclassmen because of her bravery of walking away from the collision without losing either her temper or composure.
Posted by: Cookie Mitchell ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 7:11 PM

Hey Team,

As a coach: If an opposing player had a collision with one of my players and it 'seemed' intentional and unsportsmanlike, depending on the player and team's reaction: everyone yelling/wanting to run on the field - I would call time out and rally the kids to encourage them to be above it. Get them to agree and move on...if the team just yells it was dirty - I would firmly say that it was not.

I would conference with my side judge and ask him what he thought and if he could call time out to talk to the Ref and get a concensus on the play...and move on after the rendering.
Posted by: Coach Raff ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 7:17 PM

I think it's important to not over-react in this situation. After attending to my player I would be inclined to ask for a word with the umpire/referee and the opposing coach and express my concern -- not just for my players but the other team's players as well -- that the incident was unsafe and possibly outside the rules and the spirit of the game. I would not make any reference to the "instigator" of the incident or call attention to the individual. The more agressive you are in this matter the more defensive the other side may become and in turn react aggressively as well. Keep cool and be civil.
Posted by: Jerry Lima ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 8:04 PM

You gotta have a word with the opposing coach. Respectfully, yet firmly, you need to let him know that the cheap shot was obvious, unnecessary and uncalled for. He needs to hae a word with his player, right now about his action. I would even recommend to him that he remove that player or risk the game being played under protest, with both he and his player subject to disciplinary action.

I would tell my player that sometimes people don't play by the rules and have no regard for them. No matter what happens, they should continue to play as hard as they can, within the rules.
Posted by: Angelo LaCourt ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 8:34 PM

As a parent, my reaction would be simple…either my child plays for a coach I trust and I let my coach do their thing, or I don’t trust that coach and I should be looking for a new team for my child. If I generally believe my child's coach would put them in harm's way, so much so that I needed to get involved, why am I letting that same moron coach them?

As for the coach's reaction, this is a tough subject to gauge what the right reaction should be. There are so many variables that play into a coach’s reaction. The age of the children makes a big difference.

I tend to believe that very young children are more likely overzealous, than actual “dirty” players. As the kids get older, that is not always the case. Another issue in play is how the official reacted to the situation, and whether or not the official is competent to handle such a situation.

To make an assumption:
-High School age club level players
-Competent official
-Intentionally dirty play
The rules manage this situation. All sports require such actions to be handled within the rules by officials. Some sports leave officials no room for discretion, and such actions result in the offending player’s removal from the game (in hockey a game misconduct, in soccer a red card).

When a game is being properly handled by the officials, the reaction is easy. Tend to your player, and reassure others that the official has it under control. “Bobby is okay, the official has got it under control. Let him do his job, keep doing yours. Play the game the way we play.”

Problems arise when officials lose control of a game, or are not properly trained to apply the rules. If an official has not dealt with a serious offense correctly, I would get my player tended to, and question the official. Without show boating or embarrassing the official, I would try to get their feedback on my walk by…“Were you screened? Did you miss that intentional elbow?” … the official can only react with one of two responses:
1. I missed it / I didn’t see it
2. I thought it was inadvertent.

If they answer 1- “Please keep an eye out for it, I had a great angle and it looked intentional.”
If they answer 2- “Okay, but if it happens again, could we conclude my read might be right? Nobody wants this thing getting out of control, I will make sure my players don’t read it wrong and react to this foul. I will make sure my kids dial it back, because it seems to be getting loose at here. I appreciate you managing this thing.”

I always end with cooling my players, assuring them our player is okay, and letting them know the official is aware of it…and let the official handle it.

The only exception would be a poor official, who clearly was incapable of managing a difficult game. In this situation, I would try to manage our way to the end of the game. Control the ball, kill the clock, use all our timeouts to kill any emotions, and try to cross the finish line with out incident. I would then write a formal complaint to the officials’ assignor, as well as email all my parents to let them know how we handled this potentially dangerous situation.

If the official is really bad, you may be able to insist they do not get assigned to your team in the future (or at least not games you know will be physical). I have not been placed in a situation where good ball movement couldn’t avoid a “hack team,” but I assume if a situation presented itself, I would have to remove my players from the match.

I would not leave my players in a situation were I thought the following three facts were true:
-The other team has set out to intentionally hurt our players
-The officials are incompetent to utilize the rules to control the play
-Our players are not able to change their game plan to avoid injury.

That being said, 30 years into sports, the above perfect storm has not been present in any game I have played or coached.

In the end, I would always address my players the same way. I like to calm them down. Even if I suspected intentional foul play, I always give the benefit of the doubt when addressing my players… “No, I think they were just late on that challenge.” “No, I think the official was screened, they will have their eyes on it now.”…And I would always end the post game talk by reminding our players…We respect the rules and respect ourselves, even and especially when others don’t.
Posted by: Chris Carroll ( Email: ) at 9/23/2008 10:15 PM

I find it amazing how many of these monthly case studies strike so close to home. Of course, it is a matter of degree, and the child in question that would determine my reaction. If the roughness is due to competitive intensity (like a playoff game, or cross town rival) then I would withhold any reaction to after the game and address the concerns of my child. Not all kids are cut out for competitive travel play.

On the other hand, there is a line to be drawn. In our town, a while back, we had a playoff basketball game where the opposing team (which was down by 10 points at half time) intentionally tripped one of our girls making a drive to the basket. Our coach protested, and one of our parents (who happened to be our travel basketball Commissioner) was thrown out of the gym, due to his loud (and appropriate, in my view) vocal outburst on the sidelines. However, the game continued.

In a conversation after the game, the coach asked my opinion of the incident. I said then, and believe now, that the game should have been stopped, the offending team's coach should have corrected his player before continuing the game. As coach, I would have forfeited the game rather than risk injury to any of my players, if appropriate behavior could not be restored. By the way, it was a girl's 8 year old playoff game!
Posted by: Frank Mc Mahon ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 5:03 AM

We dealt with a situation not too dissimilar last week. I coach high school girls soccer and lacrosse. A match was getting increasingly violent and the official was slow to recognize the intensity. One of the opposition's players threw one of our girls to the ground. This isn't a play on words, she grabbed her shirt and threw her to the ground. Our player stood up and the other girl made a gesture like she was going to throw a punch.

At that point, our head coach ran onto the field (this happened right in front of our bench) and stood between the two girls. This earned him a yellow card from the official. The offending player, by the way, was not carded.

It also earned some accusations, but fortunately the opposing school's AD saw everything happen and was more than satisfied that the coach's actions were reasonable.

From a positive coaching standpoint, this was a difficult situation. The officiating and the conduct of the opposition were atrocious. None of our girls on the field said a single word to the ref or any opposing player, so we didn't feel they needed a talk. The bench, our younger players, did jaw the ref quite a bit and I put a quick stop to that.

In the end, I asked to the girls about how they want to represent their school. We agreed they did a good job that night. We also agreed that if that if a bad reputation was what the other school wanted, they more than earned it.

It's no accident. Players don't play the game that way or behave that way unless given a model to do it. That, I'm certain, was true for both teams, and it is unfortunate.
Posted by: Chris Oler ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 6:43 AM

As a youth football coach I run into this situation frequently. We prepare our players in advance to expect trash talking, vulgarities, cheap shots. Against certain teams we know it is coming. We remind them to stay focused on their role, their teammates and themselves.

Retaliation is an immdeiate response to an unexpected situation. It is tantamount to a defensive reflex. Preparation and anticipation allows the player to react accordingly and reasoned. The offending player is trying to get a certain response, retaliation and penalty. By not giving in, not responding or even laughing, the offending player is at a loss. We remind our players not to sink to their level of play. Respect yourself and your teammates.

As a parent I try to remain quiet. Not easy especially when your child takes a blow. It is difficult to talk to a coach in the middle of a game. If the team was unprepared, I would say something to an assistant coach to act to stop any escalation.

Some time after the game I would talk to my child about what it was like out there. We would talk through appropriate responses and how to prepare for the next time it happens.

The coach needs to be prepared for this circumstance and be ready to act to diffuse the situation. That is where knowledge of your opponent is really necessary. We know the teams that play the game like this and anticipate it.
Posted by: JOe Delaney ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 9:07 AM

We had this situation arise in our U13 Boys competitive game last week when we played a physical team that was a year older than us and committed several hard (and perhaps intentional) fouls on us. I wrote the following to our parents (some of whom were upset at the game):

• I continue to find that if the adults don’t get caught up in winning then the kids are able to let it go. Mike and I continue to focus our boys on the quality of play (which has been impressively high).

• The game on Saturday was very physical. There was a lot of discussion as to certain issues. I don't want this to become a source of debate or contention among the families on the team as we have such a good group. With that in mind, I thought that I would at least share some of my viewpoints:
o I don’t want the boys to focus on the officiating of the game as that is something that is also outside of their control. I thought that they did an excellent job of that on Saturday and Sunday (although they had their moments). Referees will differ as to how physical they will allow play and how protective they will be of the players on the field; I think that we saw an excellent contrast between those two styles on Saturday and Sunday. My message to the boys is that they just have to deal with different styles of play and officiating; again, they should just focus on what they can control.

I appreciate any assistance that you can provide in reinforcing these messages.
Posted by: Eric Sippel ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 10:01 AM

I totally agree with Richard Scheinert. The only thing is that coaches are not able to see everything so let them find out what is going on before you jump to your feet.
Posted by: Herb Baum ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 11:14 AM

Injury in youth sports, soccer in particular, are of epidemic proportion. The approaches here all seem fine, but there is, in my view, no good way to deal with one of these circumstances when they arise.

Travel leagues must be made to enforce the rules in favor of safe play. A key ingredient of that would include, in my opinion, almost no-fault penalties being assessed when an injury occurs because of a rough or unnecessarily dangerous challenge or tackle in areas of the field where the goal is not being threatened.

Example, a long ball is played off a goal kick or in the course of play to mid field. One player has the ball in his sights, a defensive or offensive player sees both and makes a challenge that results in a head to head collision. Even if this would otherwise be called a fair challenge, the rule should be if there is significant head to head contact in such a circumstance, the person who could and should have avoided it goes off.

Everytime one of these type challenges occur, the coach on the offending team should be "booked." A set number of "bookings" should carry penalties for the coach.

Now, some would say that this will adulterate the game and they would be right. It also will make it much safer.

You really cannot have it both ways.

Under the current rules, especially among young teenagers, in my view the 14-16 year old range is perhaps the most reckless. Playing by the rules makes the sport too dangerous. Many coaches train players to play to the limits of the rules, and to make physical intimidation or overpowering physical play part of their styles. That translates into the injuries in epidemic proportion that travel soccer now "enjoys."

This is a league issue, and soccer purists who typically are active in league politics would never think of such a "radical" approach as a means of reducing injury. When pressed, however, they will have to concede that there is no other alternative, except if allowing the current levels of injury to persist. It's your choice; no really, it is.
Posted by: Rich Cohen ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 1:48 PM

I'm not sure I agree with you, Rich. A rule like that leaves nothing to discretion. As a player, one of the two yellow cards I received was for a ball in the air incident. The ball had the sun behind it and I couldn't tell what was around me, all I could see was the outline of the ball against the sun. I went up for the header and clobbered someone I didn't even know was there. No one was injured.

During the same match I mentioned in my post above, I joked with a couple of my players when we heard an opposing player complain about us pushing and shoving on the field. I smiled, turned to the closest player and asked her, "Yeah, you remember when we taught you that, don't you?" She said she must have missed that practice.

Bottom line, you teach your team to be physical and the other side, the side that learns the game of soccer, will play right around you with one and two-touch passing. The problem with being physical is that you as often as not take yourself out of the play, especially with a slide tackle. Coaches that teach physical play do so because they don't have any better ideas.
Posted by: Chris Oler ( Email: ) at 9/24/2008 7:57 PM

As a parent I had a similar incident happen just last weekend to my son in a Boys U14 Recreational soccer league. The referee was letting the game get away from him as physical play escalated. My son was clotheslined from behind then another opposing player deliberately stepped on his shoulder. We thought it was broken.

I am both a soccer referee and soccer coach as well as a parent. I pulled my son from the game and probably the balance of the season. I have discussed my decision with my son. I have lost total faith in both the coach and referee system in my city as I see more refs allowing the older kids, especially boys, to "play the ball". My son's well being is more important than these games.
Posted by: Terri Herigstad ( Email: ) at 9/25/2008 6:43 AM

Particularly in contact or collision sports, reasonable parents should insist that the league grant officials or coaches discretion to end a game when they believe that uncontrolled violence would seriously threaten player safety for the remainder of the contest. Officials may call the game, or the coach may remove the team from the field.

Granting such discretion means, of course, that officials or coaches may end some games unnecessarily or in a fit of frustration or anger. But denying this discretion means that some games will continue until serious injury results. For the sake of player safety, leagues should err on the side of the former because assuring the safest possible competitive environment is the first obligation of the adults who administer youth-league and high school sports.

In my experience, however, many leagues maintain rules that deny officials this authority, and that provide for suspending a coach who pulls his or her team from the field. Even where the league retains authority to lift the coach's suspension following a hearing, the rule itself discourages coaches in the heat of the game from acting for their players' safety. Parents should insist that these rules be reevaluated.

I am attaching below a news story about a 16-year-old high school hockey player who was paralyzed from the chest down by a late hit in an emotionally charged game. The story makes it clear that every adult in the rink (or at least every sane adult) had to know that the game was getting out of hand long before the final buzzer. But no adult ended the game before it was too late:

Copyright 2000 Chicago Tribune Company
Chicago Tribune

August 8, 2000 Tuesday, LAKE EDITION

SECTION: Metro Lake; Pg. 1; ZONE: L

HEADLINE: PLEA AGREEMENT FOR HOCKEY PLAYER IN CROSS-CHECKING

BYLINE: By Rummana Hussain, Tribune Staff Writer. Tribune Staff Writer Lou Carlozo contributed to this report.

A 16-year-old Glenbrook North High School student entered a negotiated guilty plea to a misdemeanor battery charge Monday for a cross-check that left a rival hockey player paralyzed at a junior-varsity game last year.

Dressed in a navy blue suit, the boy gripped the table where he sat and spoke in a subdued voice as he told Lake County Judge John G. Radosevich that he understood the consequences of the plea. His sentencing is set for Sept. 29.

The agreement ends a chapter in the high-profile criminal case that some believed could have had a chilling effect on contact sports had it gone to trial.

It also brought some closure to the families of the defendant and the victim, former New Trier hockey player Neal Goss, now 16, who attended the hearing in his wheelchair. . . .

The defendant, whose identity is protected by a court order, was charged with two counts of felony aggravated battery, one alleging bodily harm against Goss, and one alleging use of a deadly weapon, referring to the hockey stick. . . .

During the hearing, prosecutors said several witnesses saw the Glenbrook North player cross-check Goss twice. The more severe blow was dealt from behind seconds after the buzzer sounded ending the hotly contested game Nov. 3 at the Rinkside Sports Arena in Gurnee, said Mary Yarc, chief of the juvenile division of the Lake County state's attorney's office. That cross-check sent Goss headfirst into the boards. The moment he struck the boards, Goss lost all feeling from his chest down, Yarc said.

Emotions were high during the game, since it was the first time both teams had faced each other since Glenbrook North had defeated New Trier in a championship match-up the year before, Yarc said. There were 16 penalty violations called during the game, which New Trier won 7-4, according to court records.

Goss was penalized once during the game for a scuffle involving another Glenbrook North player, Yarc said. In the last minute of the third period, the defendant also cross-checked Goss during a face-off. Goss responded by pushing the defendant. No penalties resulted. . . .
Posted by: doug abrams ( Email: ) at 9/25/2008 2:55 PM

I would hope that my kid is OK first of all. When he/she gets up that she goes about his/her business next without having a confrontation with the opposing player. I would expect my kid's coach to politely talk with the referee about what they saw on the play.

If they saw it differently than what I saw, then at least they saw it and made the decision it was not malicious. As a parent, I would keep my mouth shut and talk about the incident after the game if my son/daughter initiates the conversation.
Posted by: David Leom ( Email: ) at 9/25/2008 6:05 PM

Stop!

Un-sportstman like conduct must be dealt with right away. Both coaches and the "ref" must agree initially how such conduct must be handled. If nothing is done about it and if my child (or any other child) is involved I take him/her out and EXPLAiN what true sport is about and then after the match I EXPLAIN to the person who-has-been-given the position of overseeing the team what COACHING is really about.

If this person does not know or does not understand why this action is wrong then I will see that this person be taken away from overseeing the team and find a real COACH!!!!
Posted by: gene ( Email: | Visit ) at 9/25/2008 6:49 PM

I believe that there needs to be more information before one decides about reacting. In contact sports it is easy to sit in the stands and get pretty wound up over what appears to be unnecessary contact or rough play. But remember many sports our kids play involve contact.

As a hockey coach for 37 years, we play with sticks and knives (on our feet). There are many collisions intentional and otherwise. A coach needs to assess the situation and determine if the enviroment is out of control and if so then take action by removing the team. I have done that a few time in my coaching career.

If it is simply a case of a very physical contest within the rules, the kids need to learn how to handle these situations also. Overreacting will not benefit the kids. There is a fine line between not enough and too much physical play.

All of that being said, if the situation is dangerous for particular players or the entire team a coach must act by removing the team from the field/rink/court. Nothing is more important than the safety of the players. As a parent, if I feel my son is in danger of physical harm over and above the accepted risk of the particular sport, then I would not hesitate to remove him from the game.
Posted by: Hal Tearse ( Email: ) at 9/25/2008 8:25 PM

In fact this very incident did occur this past season. We have found that pregame meetings with both coaches and the officials is the best place to start.

By building a rapport of the Coaches and Referee you can have a foundation to deal with all manner of issues. In our case, one of our Coach's sons was the overly aggressive player who checked the opposing team's goalie with seconds remaining in a losing cause.

The referee immediately stepped in, calmed frayed nerves, and assured the injured boy was ok. However, the offended coach refused to have his players shake the opposing team's hands, walked off the field and headed to the parking lot.

He blew a teachable moment to demonstrate to his kids and was justifiably dressed down by the league. My role as Director was to suspend the offending player for a game, report to the league and the opposing team the situation had been handled internally.

The Coach whose son hit the opposing goalie was understandbly upset of his son's actions and disciplined him aside from the program's sanction but, honored the program's insistence he sit out the following with a warning he would be removed from the program if it ever happened again.

The contrast was the boy who was suspended experienced a teachable moment and the offended coach made a bad incident worse by not seizing the moment to have his players demonstrate good sportsmanship despite what occured.
Posted by: Larry Simpson ( Email: ) at 9/26/2008 3:04 AM

In the question that sets up the scenario, I note my only role is as parent of my child, although it's difficult for me to separate myself from my other roles as a youth sports coach and official.

So, staying in the scenario alone, I would first pull my son from the game to ascertain that he is, in fact, not seriously injured. My first responsibility to him is making sure he's physically OK.

Then if so, we'd talk about what happened, because I want to make sure he is emotionally OK as well. The incident might have made him angry, resentful and irrational, and therefore prone to attempt retailiation, and that's not respecting the game either.

If he's physically and emotionally OK to continue, we'll talk about what to do if a similar event happens again. If there is a repeat of the incident, or something similar, it's my decision as parent to remove my child from harm's way.

Well after the game, I'll speak to my son's coach and to the league's director to review what happened and what can be done if a similar situation arises in the future. A parent confronting an opposing coach is inappropriate.

My interest in youth sports for my son is for him to compete in healthy activities in a safe environment that he can enjoy throughout his life. No victory, trophy or championship is worth abdicating my son's health and well-being to achieve.
Posted by: Cindy Thuma ( Email: ) at 9/26/2008 8:30 AM

It would depend on the age of my child and the sport they were playing. It might also depend on the stage of the game (is there an opportunity to the talk to people w/o disrupting the game). Bottom line-if I thought my kid was going to get hurt I would ask the coach to pull him from the game, and I wouldn't let him go back in until things calmed down.

If there was an opportunity to talk to the coaches and officials, I would let them know from an objective viewpoint the game was out of hand and ask them what they planned on doing about it. I would remind them the kids were there to have fun, and point out that getting hurt wasn't fun.
Posted by: Mike Freeman ( Email: ) at 9/26/2008 9:20 AM

I appreciate this case because it is relevant to every level of sports play for our developing athletes.

My first advice to parents has to do with a game that is getting "out of control" and "rougher and rougher." I encourage coaches to establish guidelines and rules prior to the beginning of season play related to behavior. This should include "what to do if the game becomes unsportsmanlike". Especially when you are dealing with sports play prior to 13 years-old.

Have a plan of action that the parents are aware of so that the anxiety is not increasingly spiraling in the stands. The parents and players will take comfort that there is a plan to keep the kids safe.

On a separate note, I would never assume that a child is not injured after a collision. If a child appears shaken up it could be that they sustained a mild concussion. This warrants a break to assess regardless of the game's intensity. There is more risk to sending a child back into a field of play with a concussion and/or vulnerable emotional state which makes them more susceptible to an additional injury.

As always, please remember that you are the parent of a child who happens to be an athlete. NOT the parent of an athlete who happens to be a child!

-Dr. Casey
Posted by: Casey Cooper, Ph.D. ( Email: | Visit ) at 9/26/2008 10:30 AM

The event as a parent might raise some anxiety.

First, I would hope my child's league has some policy about aggressive play and it is addressed. If not, I would call after the weekend to see if the league would develop a policy.

Second, and really important - wait 24 hours before talking with the coach! 24 hours later emotions have calmed and my perspective may be a bit different. Then I would talk with the coach, ask what his/her perception of the game and play was - and if he/she had any concerns. I would voice my concerns and how might we protect our players differently next time.

With my son/daughter - I would ask what they thought of the game, to understand his/her perception and if he/she felt the game was too aggressive. If he/she did, I would ask what they think would be good to do - talk with coach, make a comment to the referee, etc. I would also ask them that if they felt a game was getting out of control, to feel free to yell to me, or give me the steal 2nd base sign so that I or other parents could comment to coach.

The difficulty is not overstepping the parent boundary with coach; however having a plan that parents are aware of and coach can implement is important. If coach talked with parents about an example at the beginning of the season, he/she could outline for parents what we can/cannot do and how he/she handles aggressive play/injury.

Overall, I think a good parent rule is that they wait 24 hours before calling a coach if they are upset about something at a practice or game. This waiting time generally helps things settle and a productive conversation can occur. If a parent jumps immediately after a game, it generally is emotionally driven and not as productive.
Posted by: Joe Lenac, Licensed Psychologist ( Email: | Visit ) at 9/29/2008 8:09 AM

Soccer Injury Rule Change:

I have to disagree with Rick's rule change ideas (the injured player clause). Some of the most severe injuries I have seen are from odd knee to knee contact, or from two good challenges that just happened to get there at the same time.

Two friends of mine in college (one on my team, and one that I grew up playing club ball with playing on the other team), both challenged the ball on the ground. It resulted in my teamate receiving over 100 stitches in his leg (just missing the old style shin guards). If any foul was called, it should have been on my teammate who left via ambulance (he was late on the tackle).

You can't make rules based on results. Soccer has some of the best rules on the planet (when they are not tinkered with by local HS or federations). They have stood the test of time. It is proper application of the rules that is often lacking. It is also money.

Often, out of shape over middle age men are running 1 and 2 man officiating systems for HS club level ball. Even if they are good, they physically will not be able to keep up with the play. And when they are also bad, wow it can get ugly fast.

Your scenario of a goal kick or goalie punt will often place both officials 50+ yards out of position in a two man system(if the kick is played out the same side as the official who was just following the attack). If you are within a few paces of the play, you can see if it was an intentionally unsportsmanlike challenge (to intimidate, etc..). The rule in soccer covers this...you are in the book.

Also, good officials are not slow to go to direct red cards. That is the fastest way to end all the nonsense. Also, the rule of persistence is one of the greatest rules that I believe soccer invented. Even if different players "chip" away with multiple fouls (again the bully factor), the next foul will be cautioned, and 2 and you are done.

Good officials manage bad games all the time. The only team left mad at a good official is the hack team whose tactics met their officiating match. After watching a local HS team (that was supposed to be pretty good) I agree with you that this is a serious issue. I watched an oversized, slow kid be used by the coach in the mid field as an intimadator. They were playing a younger, unranked team, and just bullied their way to a narrow victory. The officiiating (or lack thereof) affected the outcome of the game.

To correct this garbage, I would suggest using the rules that are there more effectively. Spend money on three official systems (it is a MUCH better game). Make sure you don't get middle field official assignments unless you are physically fit to run the field.

When I officiated shortly after my college playing days, I was in better shape than the players. I often got to challenges before they happened. One of the best things was when a player heard the whistle and jumped up mad (anticipating the official may not have known who the foul was on, or the flagrant nature of it), and I was right there saying, "I got it. 7 to me." (What the officials says when they are getting ready to put you in the book).

The offended player immediately cooled down. The most frustating thing as aplayer is when the official form 50 yards away gets that call wrong! The player naturally feels frustrated, may even take some more ribbing from the offending player who got away with it, next thing you know... we have an out of control game. To me what I hear and see are problems with applications, not problems with the rules.

One final note: 8 year old girls basketball "playoffs." League commissioners being thrown out of the gym. You seem to have some serious systemic issues. You should not have 8 year olds in playoffs. It is way too young.
Posted by: Chris ( Email: ) at 9/30/2008 5:53 AM

Situation: U15 boys summer lax tourney. Player punches another player during the game on the field. The player who was punched swears at the player who punched him. Ref does not see the punch but hears the swear and pulls the player out of the game unreleasable penalty. No action taken against the player who threw the punch. The coach of the penalized player is furious at the ref and the ref then throws the coach out of the game entirely! The parents of the team that had the player and the coach thrown out proceed to become boisterous and within 5 minutes and the ref calls the game over because of the parents yelling. It would have been a great game if the ref had maintained control. It was really an awful display of behaviour by everyone but ultimately the ref was responsible for losing control.
Posted by: wendy ( Email: ) at 10/6/2008 4:41 PM

I agree with Alex above. The refs need to control the game. If they don't, then need not be a lacrosse ref. I would follow the same steps as Alex, check the player, then request a conference with the ref and the opposing coach to discuss the chippy play. If all agree, then each coach needs to go talk to his team to see if we can redirect the focus on playing clean lacrosse. Otherwise, I'll call it a forfeit and report it to the league. If it's my player who isn't listening, I'll suspend him.
Posted by: Jeff Alexander ( Email: ) at 10/30/2008 1:02 AM

The level of injury in youth contact sports, travel or club level, is out of hand. The reason is that the way these games are played have become much more "athletic" and violent.

A good friend of mine played soccer in the seventies at Duke. When he was in his mid forties and lived in a university town, he used to play in games with college kids who were not on the team, but were quite accomplished, and with graduate students who had played on various college teams.

My friend was in terrific shape. He is a solidly built guy, with monster legs. He said that the game being played did not resemble the game he had played all his life. Guillermo, before attending Duke, went to school in his native Peru, and was a standout player there. He said that today's game is much, much rougher than the game he played through college, that much of the rough play would have been deemed fouls under the interpretation of the rules of the game at the time, and that he thought that the game had become much less elegant, much less a matter of skill and clever team play, than it used to be.

Athleticism sells on a professional and college level, and it's consequences has filtered down to high school and club-level play. The violence permitted in "games", while within the rules, is unnecessary and dangerous. These are our children and they are getting maimed.

My son played on a high school team that was in the top 10 in the DC area. The top five players all had had significant injuries in club play: the best, a compound fracture of his tibia on a lawful tackle; two guys with torn minicuses that required surgery, one guy with a hairline fracture of his hip, another with two ankles he could barely walk upon, and a goalie who couldn't tell Tuesday from a garbage can after getting hit in the head on a dragging foot when he bobbled the ball a little and went to cover and a charging player jumped over him and inadvertently hit him with a trailing foot.

Okay, I don't count so well. The back up goalie had a broken arm, my son had two bad ankle injuries and muscle bruises that keep his osteopath eating well all season, and I could go on.

My friend Guillermo says that all this rough play just detracts from the game. The rough play needs to stop. For those of you with good health insurance, the specter of orthopedic surgery, casts, or whatever might not be particularly daunting. Wait until the kids grow up, and have trouble with all kinds of different body parts--do you really think that all the hip replacements being done in among those in the 50s has anything to do with hip injuries. Well, then it will be too late.

I have begun to address the issue of injuries in girl's contact sports; that is a scandal. The incidence of ACL tears among girls, especially those that require reconstructive surgery, is anywhere from 11 to 5 times that of among boys in each of the contact sports. Doctors and scientists have been researching the difference for more than 10 years. Meanwhile, the games our daughters play (mine plays high school soccer and lax) become rougher, more athletic, more violent each year. The irony is that those in the forefront of women's sports have a vested interest in doing nothing to make their games safer, even while another alternative to stem the tide of injury is nowhere in sight.

The money in professional and college sports astounds. The most popular among them simply is in the business of selling body parts. Football depends on a level of violence that will produce serious injury. Safety equipment serves only to make the game more dangerous--nobody would be using their body as a torpedo if they didn't have these fancy helmets and shoulder pads.

No one can expect those institutions to do anything to tone things down in their sports in our lifetime. Scores of ex-pros were pushed in wheel chairs before Congress pleading for help; meanwhile, we read the body count of the future cripples each week along with how many yards our favorite team scored.

You're really going to continue to allow the people who are running things on that level, with that little regard for human life, dictate how the games your children "play" should be played. I suppose that the answer is yes. My answer is, I hope that you're around to explain this to your kids when they have their own and can't have a catch with them.
Posted by: Rich Cohen ( Email: ) at 10/30/2008 10:09 AM

As a kid I played football on the streets with friends and not so friends. We had to call our own fouls since we did not have refs, and believe me, we enjoyed hours, days, months, and years of football playing.

I also played top, very competitive football, and we knew when a foul was/not intentional. It was up to the ref to keep our games under control, the laws of the game were made for it.

Most of today’s coaches did not play football, and the ones that did, played school or other type of football that did not teach them the “game” in football. The players were picked by their size and physical abilities and not for their understanding of the game or ability to think while playing. They were “coachable”.

Today, most of these coaches are also refs, so what can we anticipate on a game?

And no, I do not have a solution, but regardless of the level, last time I checked, soccer was still called a “game”. Such is life...
Posted by: luis ( Email: ) at 11/4/2008 2:32 PM

Life's greatest lessons are learned when you understand how to adjust to the hand that you are dealt, and play the game. Ringers, or whatever they throw at us, we will deal with them as a coach and player. To whine and complain about the opposition is to back down from a challenge. Deal with it. Use it as a challenge to your knowledge and character. You will discover that there will be times you will win and times you will lose. But even in the losing there are good lessons to learn.
Posted by: Rick Figueiredo ( Email: | Visit ) at 11/24/2008 6:54 AM