"We frequently receive 'friend requests' from parents registering their children for the lacrosse season. Sometimes they claim it's necessary for carpooling, but sometimes requests extend to having five or six players put onto the same team (and at the level I coach, 3rd & 4th grade, we only have 7 players on the field at a time)!
"It seems some parents are trying to commandeer an entire team, and we are unsure how to handle the situation. This year, in our 5th & 6th grade program, a couple of parents were so upset at their girls not being put together that they pulled them from the program.
I would be interested to learn how other youth organizations have handled similar situations."
--Terry Dzelzgalvis, coach, Lower Bucks (PA) Lacrosse
To answer this question, click on the Comments link below.
To ask PCA a question, e-mail AskPCA@positivecoach.org.
Posted by David Jacobson at 07/06/2009 10:58:43 AM |
Don't allow special requests. Our Rec Dept stopped accepting requests a few years ago, and it hasn't been a problem. We tell the parents they can car pool with someone on the team their child ends up playing on.
Posted by: Ben Phipps ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:21 AM
|
At some level, it comes down to your views on whether the game is there for the fun it provides or is there for another purpose. In our league, we try our best to accommodate these requests. In the long run, the memories children have will gravitate to their friends and not the scores of the games.
I recommend letting it happen.
Posted by: Lou ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:22 AM
|
I have coached soccer and baseball for many years and both programs refused to honor requests like this for several reasons. The biggest reason is that too many times these requests would result in a very unbalanced league- either with a team that is extremely weak or one that is extremely strong. Most leagues want a competitive balanced league and requests like this limit the freedom to do that. The second reason is that when a group of 4 or 5 are put on a team as a group, what about the other few players that fill out the team? Will they all have the same opportunity to be friends with the group? Better to bring everyone into the team on the same basis.
Posted by: Dave Burtch ( Email: | Visit ) at 7/7/2009 9:23 AM
|
We used to allow some requests for "friends" or coaches in the lower leagues, up to about age 8. After that players were drafted. If a parent really wanted to have his kid on the same team as another kid we encouraged them to become managers, that way they got their own kid, drafted the friend, and the league got another volunteer!
Posted by: John Rooney ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:24 AM
|
In our little league we get many of these requests also. I don't know how many times we've "chose" to re-arrange our teams because of this. Most players and/or coaches don't realize we've done it because it's during the draft. I encourage it at a young age...because if that's what it takes to get the child involved then I say we need to do it. Once you capture their love of the game then hopefully they'll be more confident on their own & won't need to rely upon their friends as much. They'll be able to make new ones!!
Posted by: Buffy ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:30 AM
|
Let them go. Next they will try to manipulate more. Tell them you are interested in coaching their kids, if the kids want to play, regardless of who else is on the team.
Posted by: Dave Lazear ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:32 AM
|
One way to handle this issue is to hold a rotating draft. Each team gets to protect the coaches kids (allow two, maybe three coaches) and the rest are picked through a draft. If parents know that is how it works, then they either step up to coach with somebody or they accept it. Plus, as a coach, you now have a good reason why you can't put all the kids on the same team! We do a draft for baseball every year and it only takes a few hours. You may need to have a few 'try-out' days prior so that all the coaches can see who is who to help with drafting. Our try outs just have kids hit a few, catch a few and throw a few. We can run through 100 kids in a pretty short time. Tryouts also give you a chance to see the kids demeanor and attitude 'off the field.' This is just one thought, sure others have many more.
Posted by: Greg Young ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:42 AM
|
When a child reaches 8 y.o. we have an equitable draft to each team. This is communicated to the parents when they register their children.
One head coach is assigned to each team. He/she evaluates each player at a league evaluation and then "drafts" players onto his/her team. We do allow that his/her child will be on the team.
When parents request the kids be on the team for carpool purposes we assure them that that can all be arranged with the other parents on the team as most of the kids live in the same town and some within the same neighborhood.
At younger levels of play we don't keep score so and both team's supporters are encouraged to cheer for all of the kids.
Posted by: Ray ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:58 AM
|
For girls at these younger ages I think keeping them with their friends is absolutely critical to maintaining their interest. At these ages it is more of a social than a sporting event. I would encourage you to talk with the girls themselves. Ask them what they would choose: winning games or playing with their friends (perhaps not winning any games). For many girls, their version of "fair" may not involve the score of the game but who is on their team.
Posted by: Larry Cannell ( Email: | Visit ) at 7/7/2009 9:58 AM
|
It seems that the parents aren't interested in the girls learning or playing the sport. How do you meet new friends by only playing with the same ones. To try not to put the super teams together. you have to draft, when parents put their own desire above the good of the program, there is not much you can do. We only allow relative requests, like sister, cousins etc. If you give into one, then you have to give into another. The other way is to offer to make both parent coaches on one team. Good luck
Posted by: Larry Kaszynski ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 9:59 AM
|
Hi Terry, The key to any league is having competitive games and balance. When you let parents/coaches "commandeer" teams, not only are the other teams put at a competitive disadvantage, but the players on that "super" team aren't challenged and learn nothing. We limit our teams to one head coach and one assistant coach. Assigning the rest of the team can be based on a draft IF all the coaches have the same information. Where there is no tryout, and certain coaches have more information than others, a draft will also produce "super" teams. Then some kind of rating process and a random draw works best in those situations. Good Luck! Brian Gaspardo, President Orland Park (IL) Youth Association
Posted by: Brian Gaspardo ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 10:00 AM
|
Create a policy regarding requests that will set the parents' expectations for the future. At WAYA, we accept requests and even complete rosters in our leagues for players in 2nd grade and below. Starting with the third grade, all teams are formed by skills assesment and a blind snake draft placement. We always have a parent or two complain and request friends at the older gae divisions, but the policy is the policy and we follow it. We have lost players because of it, but the blind snake draft placement based on the skills assessment certainly helps with forming teams of equal talent.
Posted by: Courtney Houston ( Email: | Visit ) at 7/7/2009 10:02 AM
|
I've had problems with this issue. We held a draft as usual, but after the draft got lobbied hard to move players around so they could be with their "friends." This of course destroys the integrity of the draft.
(There seemed to be other issues underlying, as the players that we were pressured to move were all early round picks, and the players offered were all picked last or second to last. And this was only from a couple of coaches.)
This got very bad with coaches calling up assistant coaches who were not even involved, and even parents calling up these coaches and yelling and threatening to pull their kids from the program. (We did find out that contrary to what was said, they never contacted the league directors; my guess because they knew what they were doing was at least in part wrong.)
In the myself and other coaches pretty much just gave in. The players were only 8 and 9, and it seemed that they started getting in the middle of things.
One of my problems is why have a draft if you are going to switch things around behind the scenes later. And the dishonesty of some parents and coaches. (I'll note this year the biggest troublemakers have left the league anyway.)
Posted by: Roger Snyder ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 10:06 AM
|
In our baseball league was honor as many requests as possible until it get to the competitive stage and coaches do the drafting, which is usually around age 9. Before that in t-ball and farm we start putting kids together by school, but honor friend requests as well.
Posted by: Don Bierman ( Email: | Visit ) at 7/7/2009 10:09 AM
|
In our local area we encountered the same issues with people wanting their kids on the same team and made up all kinds of excuses to make it happen, including pulling them out of the league and not helping with volunteering etc.
Needless to say, many of our good families left our league to play in other local leagues in hopes of finding a more balanced team oriented league.
After a season of seeing our enrollment decline, I joined the board of directors in a decision making capacity and made the following rules stick, without making any exceptions, even for fellow boardmembers:
1 - NO TRADES
2- If you coach, you are only allowed to pick one child on your team. Only exception is having multiple children within the same division such as twins, then you cannot pick until the 3rd round. (Usually this is your own child(ren), we did have an instance where the coach took another kid thinking his own child would be around for the next round of the draft and coaches would not pick him, didn't happen). We stuck by the rules and the dad coached a team his own child was not on.
3 - We have tryouts and the coaches then pick the players. If players do not show to the tryouts their names are placed in a box and a lottery system is inplace.
4 - If a player or should I say parent has a problem with the team, the coach, or practice, and does not want to play, they will be given a refund minus a $40 non-refundable fee. No questions asked.
This has restored our league. We have not had an undefeated team within the last three years and we have not had a team go winless. The level of play has increased along with the amount of teams within our league.
Granted, it took a lot of work, but instead of knowing what team would win the division before the season started, we now have 5-6 teams in the playoff hunt prior to the last couple of games in the season.
Although we are not perfect, the seasons seem more enjoyable.
Posted by: AJ ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 10:20 AM
|
We have gone thru the "put us on the team with
his best friend Tommy" in Tee Ball. We tried to
accommodate it for years, but it was getting ridiculous, 5-6 parents wanted their kids on the same team, then one kid from the class would get
left off and was hurt.
We finally stopped it, do not look at those requests, and tell them upfront that part of youth sports is learning to get along with new kids, meeting new kids, making some new friends, and learning to be a good teammate - - not doing everything with the same group of school friends.
We tell them they will be randomly assigned to teams. If you start honoring requests it gets to
be a slippery slope.
My son went to a small private school, so if he knew one kid on any of his soccer and baseball teams when he started, it was lucky. Over the years he made friends and by 11, 12 would know several kids on his teams.
Posted by: Doug Rebert ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 10:31 AM
|
Terry,
We get the same requests in our chester county PA girls youth lax league. We do grant those requests for only legitimate carpool needs.
We make phone calls (vs. emails) to those parents requesting carpooling teammates. We speak very frankly that we will NOT grant friend requests and trust this is a true and legitimate carpool need. We emphasis balanced teams in our program and explain to parents that if we have too many requests, we may not be able to grant them because a balanced team is the top priority. We'll do the best we can, but no guarantees. Thus far, everyone has accepted this.
As a mom of 5 active kids, I know I must rely on friends to help cart my kids places, and we respect that need. Having said that, we have not been alerted to any bogus requests to date.
Finally, we share all this information in a parent & player meeting right before our season begins. This is a meeting where we hand out uniforms (increases attendance), lay out our schedule, set expectationsf or both parents and players, get the kids geared up for the season, and have a PCA presentations. If you want to email me, I can send you our agenda.
Direct, open, honest communication from the beginning sets our culture and makes our intentions clear. Hope this helps.
Posted by: Kathleen Waid ( Email: | Visit ) at 7/7/2009 10:52 AM
|
I started my position as Youth Sports Programmer just over a year ago and the person that was here brfore me let anything and everything go so when I came in people didn't really like me because I didn't give in to their "special requests". Now parents know that if they want on a certian team with certian people they have to register early. Today my program couldn't be better and I don't have any one asking for sepcial requests because they know they wont get it. Stick to you guns it is hard at first but it will help you out in the long run.
Posted by: Katie Kilbey ( Email: | Visit ) at 7/7/2009 10:59 AM
|
You should have a "friends" policy in place. For instance, allow up to three requests and only guarantee one. That way, every child will have a friend on the team.
If parents push back, explain the philosophy behind the decision and be prepared for some to pull their children. While I do not like to see any child denied a chance to play sports, I feel strongly that the only way to make sports positive for the highest number of children is to take a stand on a principle.
I run a summer camp and we have a similar policy for group requests. I spend a decent amount of time explaining to parents that their child only needs to know one other child to get them going. Trust us to help your child make new friends. The ones that do, give their child a chance to grow and learn. Similar to camp, that is what participating in sports does as well.
Make a policy, explain it and stick with it.
Posted by: Eric ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 11:10 AM
|
Our program (fastpitch) does not encourage the "friends on the same team requests". We are trying to encourage independent players being able to rely on themselves on any given game day. We also want our teams to bond as a full teams, if the girls come in with pre-existing relationships the tendency is for them to not reach out as fully to the other players on their team.
Posted by: Maria ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 11:24 AM
|
At the least, the youth organization should have a written policy stating how it handles "friend requests." The difficulty lies in deciding which of two basic paths to follow: (1) Should the written policy be absolute (that is, once the coaches establish the various teams, "friend requests" will not be entertained)?, or (2) should the written policy permit case-by-case determination by the board of directors or its delegate?
It's a tough call. An absolute policy appears to eliminate discretion. By appearing to eliminate discretion, an absolute policy appears to remove temptation for favoritism, appears to avoid perceptions of favoritism, and appears to deny parents the opportunity to stack their child's team and thus upset the competitive balance essential to a worthwhile program.
Notice how often I use the word "appears" in the prior paragraph? A "friend request" policy that is absolute on paper is not always absolute in practice. It is simply too easy for favored parents to quietly pass "friend requests" (including requests designed to stack teams) in advance to coaches or league administrators, who then select the teams accordingly. By appearing to eliminate discretion without actually doing so, an absolute "friend request" policy resembles "zero tolerance" rules about parental misconduct, which I have found are too often shams. Parents can get away with quite a lot if they are important or well connected in town, have friends on the board, or have particularly talented kids. For the same sort of misconduct, other parents can feel the full brunt of "zero tolerance."
Back to "friend request" policies . . . Because seemingly absolute policies are so easily circumvented, I believe that a youth organization should opt for a policy that permits case-by-case determination under strict guidelines. Such a discretionary policy permits the organization to honor valid "friend requests," such as the need for carpooling by families that live much further away from the field or gymnasium than most of the organization's membership. Or the need for carpooling by single parents whose employment schedules would leave them unable to get their player to some games or practice sessions.
In most of the organizations in which I have coached, the organization has opted for case-by-case determination under strict guidelines. The written policy says that "friend requests" are disfavored and will be granted only for "compelling reasons."
Where my organizations have fielded two teams at a particular age level, we have rarely permitted a "friend request" to result in moving a child from the second team to the more advanced first team. If nothing else, an upward move would let a second-team parent bump another child from the first team, or else deny that child fair playing time. In fact, where a carpooling request involves a second-team family and a first-team family, we usually say that the first-teamer may move down but the second-teamer may not move up. You would be surprised at how fast the carpool request disappears when it would result in a downward move!
Discretionary policies can leave some parents angry, but anger goes with the territory if you are a youth-league coach or board member these days.
Regardless of whether the "friend request" policy is absolutel or openly discretionary, I do not believe that the organization should be influenced by the parents' threats to remove their child entirely if the parents do not get what they want. Of course, a youth organization should bend over backwards to avoid hurting the child in a dispute with the parent. (When parental misconduct results in disciplinary proceedings, for example, the organization should try its best to discipline the parent with a suspension or something similar, but without removing the child from participation, except as a true last resort.)
In American society, however, parents raise their own children, and children rise or fall with their parents' decisionmaking. For better or worse, parents decide whether their child attends public or private school (and then, which one), whether the child eats a healthy diet, whether the child goes to summer camp, whether the child gets lots of toys, whether the child must heed a curfew, and so forth. Unless the parent's decisionmaking falls below the level of abuse or neglect, our society says that wisdom or lack of wisdom is the parent's call. Parental responsibility means that once the youth organization applies its written "friend request" policy in good faith without favoritism in the best interests of all families in the organization, the ball is in the individual parents' court. If a 200-family organization lets parental threats drive the decision, the organization will soon have 200 decisionmakers, each motivated the family's own self interests. When the organization favors one child unfairly, it necessarily hurts another.
Doug Abrams
Posted by: Doug Abrams ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 11:37 AM
|
There are really only two ways to go. First idea, create a "club" situation that requires that each player to be on the team must demonstrate a standard of minimum skill. In other words, the players must go through a try-out and the evaluators must be able to recognize the skill level. The coach makes the final decision. In this scenario friends may be allowed to "stay together". Second idea, is to create a "draft" program wherein all the coaches sit and in "round robin" style choose from a list of players. This "draft" system is predicated on the idea that no player is guaranteed placement on a particular team. This last system helps to balance teams more equitably. This system helps to undercut parents with hidden agendas, such as manipulating the selection process by attempting to "stack" a team with only perceived highly skilled players. The transportation, family, and friends thing usually is a smoke screen for hidden agendas.
There are pluses and minuses for both creations. But neither can work without a well planned and well written compendium of rules and regulations that everyone gets a chance to read.
Posted by: Border Soccer Coach ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 12:24 PM
|
in our youth softball program, we do our best to let friends stay with friends in our 8U program (117 young ladies at this level last year which makes it a challenge to keep friends together).
We figure at the 8U level, its more about making a positive 1st impression on young ladies when they begin playing the game (and playing with your friends helps alot)so they keep coming back in the years ahead.
Once a player graduates to the 10U program (and 12U and 14U), we draft the teams each spring. if friends want to stay together, its up to the coach to draft that way.. but we do our best to draft new teams each year. When we have signups and parents make requests, we let them know "no promises,its up to how the teams are drafted".
when they complain their daughter has no friends on the team, I say "no friends yet!"
Posted by: dave carver ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 12:28 PM
|
I have girls and have been coaching softball and soccer for 4+ years. The girls have a lot more fun when they play with their friends. They may not progress as rapidly, but they have fun. When they have fun, they come back. Keeping kids coming back is the backbone of any league. I believe that honoring as many requests as possible is good for the kids, especially girls.
Posted by: Scott Dunlop ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 12:34 PM
|
You can't please everyone and trying to do so always comes back to haunt you. A classic lose-lose situation for league administrators and coaches who get caught in the middle. I would simply say that your league will no longer accommodate friend requests and go to a draft system. Most coaches know who knows who and they will generally pick up one or two players who are friends. If the kid wants to play and the parents want them to play, they will generally make it happen regardless of the friends issue. Practice schedules are the real deal breakers with parents. Accommodate practice nights first! Let them make new friends.
Posted by: Mark Busser ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 1:32 PM
|
The best response is "No. We don't do that." If they come back at you, the next words are "I'm sorry, where would you like us to mail the refund check ?" And mean it.
NO ONE is bigger than the program.
Never allow this into your program - never allow even 2 or 3 "friends" to be "coaches" together. It's amazing how friendly the 2 or 3 best pitchers in town will become if you let them !
Posted by: Jeff Buxton ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 1:57 PM
|
My boys, turning 10 and 12 this summer, ask to sign up for sports when they know their friends are signing up. When they have done sports where the kids aren't in the same school and they don't see them on a regular basis, they tend to have less enthusiasm for signing back up when the next season rolls around.
They want to do hockey now and it's principally because a boy who moved across the street from Canada (we live in DC), has a hockey goal permanently placed at the end of his driveway and they play street hockey with him everyday. I'm not sure if their enthusiasm for the game would continue for long without this friend to play with regularly.
I think balance of teams is important, but I think kids should be allowed to sign up with at least one or two of their friends. I think there are other ways to achieve balanced play. Based on my experiences as a parent and a coach of multiple sports, I think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
Ron
Posted by: Ron ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 5:30 PM
|
We allow it in our league to a point. We state that requests to play with another player are not guaranteed. and not all requests are granted. teams need to be balanced out. We have a ratings day and a draft that takes the rating into account. As long as the teams are balanced, then having friends on the team should not be detrimental. It can only be a benefit. Especially to the parents.
It really depends upon what you are trying to accomplish. If you play travel sports of course that is a "try out" Situation. If it is an in house or town league - why not? The children play to have a good time. It can really become overwheling to a parent who has more than two children. Allowing friends on the team makes it easier to get players to games, practices and events. We have over 2000 children in our league and it has never been a problem.
I always make it a point to remember the league is for the players, not the administrators or coaches.
Posted by: JP ( Email: ) at 7/7/2009 7:01 PM
|
Reading the comments, I think this problem is common in much of life: most problems in almost anything come from a few people. If everyone played fair, it would be much easier to accommodate the few that really need accommodation.
I also disagree that the best thing for children is to always place all friends together on one team. Even if there are no balance issues, having teams of friends and teams of left overs is not the best way to go.
There is a lot of literature and studies these days of bulling and "in groups" in schools. I think this applies to youth sports also. Putting all the cool kids and the usual groups together hurts both the left out kids and the cool kids in the long run.
Experience tells me this is much more an issue for adults than the children. And while they may be trying to do the best for their children, I think they are really hurting them.
Posted by: Roger Snyder ( Email: ) at 7/8/2009 7:28 AM
|
it can help a lot if your Board has a statement on this..........that way you can say it is a Board Policy and as a coach you are governed by the Board. If the parent decides to challenge it they have to do so through the Board and the decision to not allow team selection based on friendships would have already been set for the season
Posted by: chris cianci ( Email: ) at 7/8/2009 8:28 AM
|
Friend requests are ok at "non-competitive" levels (such as t-ball where no scores are kept). Once scores are kept and officials are used in "real" games, friend requests only interfere with the draft/selection process and can make for unbalanced teams.
Leagues should have a clear, written policy on their programs, including details on team selection for each level of play. I find that many leagues have few written policies at the lower levels of play. Parents at entry level sports are often new to competitive sports and need more (not less) guidance and written policies. This will eliminate lots of trouble in the future since parents will have proper expectations.
Posted by: Jay in CT ( Email: ) at 7/9/2009 4:29 AM
|
I have read all the comments and I agree with most of what I read. In our league we use to try to make as many request as we could without hurting the balance created for the Inhouse teams.I have seen this excuse used to stack teams which makes no sense when you are playing Inhouse. If you want to stack a team you need to do that with your Tournaments/All Star teams and this is something that needs to be explained to the parents. I have also seen the parents that demand these request complain when their childs team gets beaten by a large margin or does not win a game. Again this needs to be explained to them when they ask why you are or are not honoring request. Another thing that is affected when it is allowed is that you are limiting the social circles of these kids by keeping them with the same kids all the time.I found out that this can become a problem when you are trying to get a team to gel when they have to play in a competative Tournament. Something I have always believed in is that you need to let your kids stand on their own and make some new friends to efectively learn social skills that will help you throughout their lives.Kids playing sports is not only about winning games.
Posted by: Mike ( Email: ) at 7/10/2009 4:33 AM
|
Terry-
Our soccer club in suburban Philadelphia has established a policy which in a nutshell is that we cannot/do not accomodate friend requests. We manage over 1,000 kids in our club and everyone is a volunteer. Accepting friend requests would only add overhead and more work for those volunteers. While we want to create competitve balance in our intramural/in house leagues, we don't want our volunteer parents to have to face the hassle of trying to accomodate requests. If we did, that is all that they would do! We try to make our teams competivel balanced by having coaches rate players and then distributing players accordingly. Coaches/Asst Coaches always have their own kids on their teams and, to my knowledge, have not seen this abused by parents.
Having said that, we do grant exceptions. When we have a single parent or families with multiple children playing we will consider it. But it is a rare exception. If the player decides to leave the program it is regretful, however your parent volunteers will face a lot less headaches in the long run.
Posted by: Jeremy Brodovsky ( Email: | Visit ) at 7/11/2009 1:40 PM
|
PCA RESPONSE BY JOE SCALLY, DIRECTOR OF TRAINING AND EVALUATION
We should always remember that the game is for the players, not the parents, coaches, or administrators. League rules should support the goal of getting and keeping kids involved in sports so that they may learn the game and the many life lessons sports can teach.
There is no single approach to handling “friend requests” that will achieve this goal. Each organization must set its rules based on a number of factors including size of the organization, age of the players, number of coaches, competitive level, geography, desire for balanced teams, and previous experience with “friend requests.”
For instance, the Park District where I live sets up teams in its recreational league based on which side of the tracks a child lives on. This has nothing to do with socio-economic status. It has everything to do with how long it can take to get across the tracks around “rush hour”, a time when many practices are scheduled. It’s easier for kids and coaches to practice on their “side of the tracks.” This approach results in a high likelihood of players being on a team with kids they know. Although “friend requests” are considered, they are rarely made and usually not compelling.
This system is far from perfect. There are still complaints and those who try to game the system, but most are happy with it. Importantly, there is a high rate of player return each year. However, for another organization this approach may make no sense at all.
If we are to keep kids in sport, it is important that sports remain fun, and for many players, especially the younger ones, that means playing with friends. As those same players get older, fun for them may be more about balanced competition, or being on a team where everyone is striving for excellence together.
Also, meeting new teammates who become friends is fun as well as an opportunity to learn life lessons. Rules should be made to provide the experience that most benefits the players as broadly and fairly as possible, so it would be helpful to ask the players their opinions. No one said this was going to be easy!
It is important for organizations to adopt a policy regarding “friend requests.” Whether the selected approach includes allowance of “friend requests,” a one friend request per player limit, a draft, “coach requests,” random selection, or any of the other options mentioned in the thoughtful blog responses, the policy should be widely published and disseminated. Rules and the reasons for those rules should be made clear to every parent and player. The policy should be consistently applied and followed by everyone in the organization.
Posted by: Joe Scally, Director of Training and Evaluation ( Email: ) at 7/15/2009 11:37 PM
|
Terry,
I think you need to let them play on the team together. You stated that they want to put 5 or 6 players on a team and that you only have 7 on the field at a time, well to me it sounds like you almost have an entire team right there, just go ahead and creat a new team. I work for a soccer organization in Colorado and we encounter this problem all the time, to me though it is not too much of a problem, for me I am here for the kids and we want as many kids to play as we can so therefore we accept all kinds of ridiculous requests. In these tough economic times you should just be glad to have the kids in your program. For 3rd and 4th graders I imagine that they are not playing competitively and that it is just a recreational league, by definition recreational is having fun, and having fun is playing with your friends. Now if you have competitive teams and hold tryouts then there are no friend requests, you build the best team that you can and every has to deal with it. That is my piece of advice, I hope it helps.
Cheers.
Posted by: Steven N. ( Email: ) at 7/22/2009 12:45 PM
|
I have coached soccer, basketball and baseball for years now. I think our park Dist. Does a good job of having one friendship request. Its nice to have a friend one your team. Anymore than one can result in a team having to many good players. I think it comes down to one friend and the the park dist. doing a good job in watching out for more then one. We have a good program.Stick to your guns.
Posted by: Steve Tolvstad ( Email: ) at 7/29/2009 3:20 PM
|
I have been coaching in a league with my son for 6 yrs now. From tee bsll to pee wee (8-10). I get many requests for kids to be on my team. We have a policy that every coach can hold up to five players from his previous year. All other kids are drawn from a blind draw like a deck of cards according to age groups. If you have x-amount of eight yr olds then everyone draws from the nine yr olds pile to even out the teams. At the end every team has approximately the same amount of 8,9 and ten year old on each team. Some times you get good players and sometimes you don't so you have to be careful with the five you decide to hold on to or the one's you pick to hold from tee ball. I've had the same five to seven kids from tee ball and brothers etc. My own son counts as one too. I tdell parents that they may requeat me on their apps but that there are no garuntees.
Posted by: Coach Jerry"Z" ( Email: ) at 7/30/2009 10:36 AM
|
Terry,
During my experience in umpiring, coaching, and drafting a Babe Ruth team two of the past three seasons I have found this to be a problem. My opinion leagues should not reward the parents with the children being friends on the same team. The primary focus of any league should be fairness, if the friends fall within that focus then it would be fine. In my league I coached in the teams were fair and sometimes the players who were friends were sometimes not on the same team. The parents give these reasons of why their sons or daughters have to be on the same team, but I call them excuses. I also believe if the players are put on different teams rather than the same one it will build other friendships that the children might not have experienced if they were on the same team. If the parents pulled their children from the league because they were not on the same team is pretty ridiculous because the experience isn’t for the children to be on the same team it is for the children to learn the basics of the sport they are in. In closing I believe the friend requests shall be met only if the teams are fair and not just to make the parents happy.
Posted by: Erik Niciewski ( Email: ) at 9/15/2009 6:34 AM
|
I think that it is important to remind the parents that one of the goals of youth sport is developing teamwork and communication skills. Kids will have plenty of time to see their friends outside of practice. They will get to make many new and lasting relationships on the team if they do not already have a pre-existing group of friends there. Not having a friends join on to the team with them will encourage kids to get to know their teammates and continue to develop their communication and social skills that will come into play throughout their life on and off the field.
Posted by: Peter Allen ( Email: ) at 9/15/2009 5:17 PM
|