Ask PCA

Convincing Fellow Parents-as-Coaches to Lighten Up on Their Own Kids

Sun, 05 May 2013 21:20:19 EST

All five of the volunteer coaches for my son's U-15 lacrosse team have their own sons on the team, including me. Some of the coaches are very hard on their own kids during practice and games to the point where it is uncomfortable for the other coaches and parents to hear and see, and some of the kids have mentioned that they feel sorry for these boys on their team. As an assistant coach, what can I say to the coaches to make them see this without causing tension on the team?

Pulling Your Team from Competition for Player Safety

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 13:29:03 EST

Recently a soccer game got out of control (blind side fouls). The referee was unapproachable threating coaches with red cards. Yet the referee did little to thwart this behavior. Finally the coach pulled his team. NCSL and the soccer club responded by instructing the coach to never to pull his team. As a former coach, I had brought this topic up in PCA training and the individual instructor indicated that he would pull his team (at the expense of a forfeit but player safety should come first). My question is if the PCA has a particular position on this topic?

Donors Influencing a Coach?

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 21:33:03 EST

On our public high school varsity team, there are some parents who are big donors, take the coach to dinner and buy him expensive gifts. Lo and behold their child is “spotlighted” on the field. The child is a good athlete, however there are many good athletes on the field, and it appears that this one is getting accolades while the rest are limited in exposure. The relationship between the parents and coach came about just prior to the tryouts – not only did the child make the team but walked on to a starting position. Any advice on what we can do?

Appointing Team Captains

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 12:32:20 EST

Our U-14 season starts soon, and I’m wondering how to select a team captain, or maybe to rotate that title from game to game. Any thoughts?

Coaching Disruptive Players

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:41:19 EST

I coach HS girls lacrosse and have 2-3 players who are negative, not motivated and who bring down the entire team. How do I try to manage them in to positive behaviors or at least get them to stop talking during entire practices due to their need for attention? They lack dicipline, focus, respect - unlike the rest of the team!!

What Should I Do About My Son's Negative Coach?

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:42:32 EST

My 10th grade son's high school varsity lax coach is constantly yelling and screaming at his players in a negative manner. He has also been disciplined for profanity laced arguments with officials in the parking lot after a game. He singles out players and rides them into the ground during practice and games regardless of effort, skill or attitude. From conversations with other parents, I have learned that some of his players are contemplating not playing next season because of this coach, who also has a reputation for holding grudges. There is a strong reluctance amongst parents to express concerns to the coach or AD for fear of retribution. I also have a 7th grade son that plays lax and at a recent offseason workout run by this coach, he told my son that he "sucks and will never make the modified team". Both of my sons love playing lax but I have seen their attitudes change toward the school program as a direct result of exposure to this coach. As a youth coach, certified by US Lacrosse and having recieved PCA training, and as a parent, I find this situation totally unacceptable, but I have no idea how to go about getting it properly addressed. I really believe in PCA's mission and principles and would greatly appreciate any guidance you can provide relative to this situation. Thank you.

Family Meals During a Sports Season?

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 15:29:37 EST

Like many families, our game and practice schedules make it hard to have dinner together each night. Given the importance of this family ritual, can you offer suggestions to parents who are conflicted?

Varsity Coach Moves My Freshman Players Up Mid-Season

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 14:10:13 EST

My first team of Freshman HS girls Bball. We are 5 and 0 in league. This is a very generous team. Great gals. With 3 games left, the Varsity coach wants to move my point guard and best post player to JV. These are two of my starters and high point scorers. I realize we are freshman. But, why disrupt the chemistry we have worked so hard for? Who benefits in the long run? The players love their team and do not wish to move. Please advise.

Minimum Age for Volunteer Coaches?

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 12:14:40 EST

Is there a minimum age requirement you recommend for volunteer Recreational coaches? I coordinate a Recreational program and our current requirement is 18 years old but I have been asked to lower the requirement. I'm inclined not to lower it but I would like to know your experts' opinion.

Is Shooting 3-Pointers With a Big Lead Unsportsmalike?

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 07:45:14 EST

Is shooting 3 point shots while ahead by 30 points late in the game considered unsportsman like? I would suggest that a 3 point shot is a low percentage shot and would give the opposing team the best chance at rebounding and then playing offense. Especially if the game is at a point where it's being played with players who may not get as much game time as others - I would want them to have the chance to run and play. Interested in thoughts. Thank you!

Should a Coach Ask Players Whom They Want to Play With?

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:43:26 EST

Our highschool coach took the seniors aside and asked them who they would like to play the next game with. The coach put exactly who they wanted. It wasn't who was playing the hardest or who was playing good at the time. They picked their friends. The team wasn't winning and the coach didn't know how to change things. My question is, when should a coach ask players who they want to play with? As an assistant coach I felt it was wrong but at the time I did not say anything about it or go against it.

Working through Player Cliques

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 10:03:18 EST

We had a parent meeting for our middle school girls' lacrosse team. A parent raised the issue of cliques undermining the success of the team - a real issue for us. We talked about it for a few minutes in the context of our desired team culture - we are all teammates first and foremost; how this is expected even at the HS level, and reminded the parents that we have had one of the HS coaches give the "teammates first" talk to the team before. No one was called out or identified, and I even broadened the discussion to cover welcoming new players. The most vocal "clique" parent responds that her girl is one of the best - takes every opportunity to play year-round - and CAN'T and WON'T trust the lesser players when she is on the field because they are just not at her level. Ugh! How should we approach this issue before the season starts?

Coach Is Nice But Doesn't Really Coach

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 23:39:20 EST

Everything I see about a "bad" coach is about coaches who are abusive, who yell, belittle players, etc. What about the coach who is a really nice person, but doesn't coach? She doesn't teach the players, doesn't motivate them to play their best, to focus on the game and on being the best players they can be, doesn't show them what it means to be dedicated to a sport, really what it means to be an athlete? I think that is also the definition of a bad coach. What do you do when your child is at a school and playing under that kind of a bad coach? Is transferring schools the only answer?

When to Turn the Scoreboard On

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 17:26:43 EST

Does PCA have a position on whether or not it is best to keep score for 5-7-year-olds in basketball games?

Bouncing Back from the Holiday Break

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 19:58:46 EST

With the holidays approaching, I know some of my players will miss some practices and probably will do less conditioning and more holiday-style eating. Plus, I expect they will return to school a little less focused due to the break. Any words of wisdom on how we can counter these effects early in 2013?

Opponents Showboating

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 18:20:45 EST

As a middle school athletic director, I see many opposing players showboat after scoring or making other big plays. For our school’s athletes, we have strict policies against such behavior. How can we get our opponents to change their ways, at least when they are visiting our school?

Taking Coaching Advice from Players' Parents

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 19:03:05 EST

I'm a volunteer coach for a U-10 team, where some of the parents are giving me unsolicited coaching advice. I think they mean well, and some of their advice makes more sense than others. Generally, how should I manage this situation? And to what extent should I take their advice?

Coaches Favoring their Own Kids

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 16:35:41 EST

My 10-year-old plays in a league where the coaches and administrators are mostly parents who favor their own kids with playing time, All-Star slots, etc. How can we other parents address this issue and encourage the coaches and administrators to use a more objective approach?

Player Feels Guilty About Injured Opponent

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 02:13:47 EST

One of the youth football players I coach cleanly tackled an opponent, who suffered a broken collarbone on the play. Everyone shook hands just fine after the game, but now my player feels guilty and unsure he wants to keep playing. Any advice on how I can bring my player back around?

Dealing with Player Meltdowns

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 18:38:05 EST

I coach youth baseball, ages 10-12. How do you handle the emotional meltdowns that can take place on the field after errors or strikeouts?

Opposing Coach Laughs at Our Mistakes

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:16:53 EST

How should I handle it when the opposing coach laughs at my team's mistakes and my players can see and hear it? Do I say something to her at the end of the game? Or just use it as a teachable moment with my own players?

Gaining Buy-In from Players and Parents

Fri, 31 Aug 2012 15:59:01 EST

I'm 30 years old, played collegiate volleyball, have a solid coaching background and I'm PCA-trained. I've just taken my first high school teaching and coaching job, but I'm unknown in this community. What can I say or do to make sure players and parents buy into the direction I want the team to take?

Time Management for Student-Athletes

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 14:15:08 EST

With my kids headed back to school, can you provide any tips, guidelines or frameworks that can help student-athletes establish good time management skills?

Books to Inspire Middle-School Athletes

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 12:52:12 EST

I love Phil Jackson’s idea of giving his players books to read. Any suggestions for books that can inspire or guide middle-school athletes?

How Coaches Can Handle Tryouts and Cuts

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 15:44:13 EST

As a high school coach, what is a positive way to handle tryouts and the inevitable cuts?

Favorite Inspirational Coaching Quotes

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 10:57:38 EST

I'm always looking for great inspirational quotations to share with my players. What are some of your favorites, and who are they from?

Letting Others Coach My Son

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 03:16:23 EST

After coaching my son’s teams from age five all the way through eighth grade, I’m having a hard time letting him go be coached by others when he enters high school. Any advice?

Player Honesty with Officials

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 18:21:46 EST

As a middle-school coach, should I teach my players to tell officials that they made an erroneous call that was favorable to our team?

What if Yelling Seems to Work?

Tue, 15 May 2012 12:05:59 EST

I coach a high school lacrosse team in the midwest. Our entire staff adheres to the PCA mission, however this year our players seem only to respond when we raise our voices at them regarding their effort. It does not feel good to yell at them, but they seem to relax and make more mistakes when we only focus on the positives. What should we do to keep their effort high and their focus strong?

Opposing Coach Runs Up the Score

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 12:55:33 EST

I coach in a recreational girls softball program with a wide age grouping (9-13). We play competitively but are a recreational league open to all players and our focus is on skills developments. We have one coach from another league who ran up the score 29-1 in a most recent game. He continued to argue balls and strikes to the last pitch and cheered the 29th run as loudly as the first. His team was breaking out into chants of "bases loaded, bases loaded" when they led by more than 25 runs. His girls were stealing bases and running aggressively throughout the game. This coach says he was just playing by the rules and wanted to teach his girls to play hard at all times. Any suggestions on how to deal with a coach like this who doesn't appear to understand the point of youth athletics at this (or perhaps any) level?

Policy for Turning off the Scoreboard

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 17:21:23 EST

I am orgainizing a youth basketball league, teams are 5-8th grade. When we have a blow out (over 20 pt) lead i have been flipping the scoreboard and not letting the fans and team see the score. if the score gets less than 20 points i again display the score. I was talking to one of the sites and they wanted me to display the score the whole game. This came from the team that lost 67 to 13. I am not sure what to do. I need your recommendation.

Players Disrupting Drills

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 16:35:30 EST

Coaching U-14 girls’ volleyball, I have two players, close friends with each other, who disrupt drills. I’ve talked to them individually and together, with some improvement, but still too many disruptions. What’s my next move?

Key Points of a Coaching Philosophy

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 20:53:17 EST

If you were to list the top 5-8 things that a middle school softball coach might list as philosophy points of a program when speaking to parents during an opening season parent meeting, what might you say? ( we are a small all girls school with a no cut policy and about 25 girls that come out for the team..A team schedule and small B team schedule..3 total coaches)

Parents Object to Coach Reprimanding Players

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 00:44:16 EST

When we have team activities outside the gym I like encouraging the parents to come and most of the time we have a lot. Or after a competition we like going out to eat. But I had a few situations where a parent and a child is frustrated because she feels when the parents are there I should not be reprimanding there child for inappropriate behaviors that istead she feel the parents should decidewhat is inappropriate when to act and should do the reprimanding. The problem is her child's behaviors are not within or teams rules and expectations, a lot of the other parents won't say anything to correct the kids behaviors instead they normally will thank me in private later or will tell me they where disappointed with what was going on. Should an athlete be responsible for team R&P and expected behaviors anytime the team is together? And how schould I talk with the parent and athlete.

Post-Game Handshake

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:41:11 EST

"Hey Coach Tony" thinks we can do without the Post-Game handshake ritual in youth sports - http://bit.ly/xo7c6d What's your view on the post-game handshake and how can coaches and players make it a more sincere gesture. Here are links to a couple of articles on the subject to stimulate conversation - http://bit.ly/AiMbm5 - http://bit.ly/zXnlnO - My youth,HS & College experience was in the 70s. Don't ever remember shaking hands in a formal manner after games. When & Why did the post-game handshake become standard operating procedure?

Post-Season Parent Survey?

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:43:35 EST

Has anyone implemented a post-season parent survey to help you understand where the organization's culture stands and what issues need to be addressed? Thanks!

What Do You Think of this Parent-as-Coach Technique?

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:31:46 EST

What would you say to a parent who is requiring their 14-year-old daughter to accept parental coaching and do additional off-court training as a requirement for allowing her to compete? I see rebellion on the horizon but the parent's comment is - I am an elite level coach in another sport and that's how I treat my athletes. He continued in the presence of his daughter to say - I get great results and I'm not wasting my money on someone who doesn't put in the extra effort. Meanwhile - his daughter is a top 10 ranked athlete in a 5 state area and already dedicates 15 - 18 hours per week to her sport while maintaining a 4.0 GPA. The parent has refused to read any information or attend parent meetings. I am very concerned for this child.

Concussion Concerns

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:31:14 EST

With all the recent attention to the dangers of sports concussions, how do I know if our school and youth sports organizations are properly addressing the issue?

Improving Mental Toughness at the Varsity Level

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:00:08 EST

Our varsity girls basketball team has some barriers in their mental game. They play well at home, having had some games go their way that would be considered upsets. But on the road they really struggle and don't play well. If they miss some shots and make some mistakes they can't pull themselves back into the game, they are done. They get bothered by the other team's student section and get flustered. I've noticed on both the JV and varsity players making mistakes on the floor then sitting on the bench in tears. I don't think our coaches are scolding/yelling at them for their mistakes, but yet the girls are lacking in their mental toughness. This is our first year with the head coach and I really like him, the players respect him too. My daughter is a junior and a starter, so she has a position of leadership on the team. What can I as a parent do to help the team gain more mental confidence?

Coaches Who Scream at Refs

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:02:18 EST

How to deal with coaches that yell and scream about every foul against their team and constantly blame opponents for playing dirty. This is rec basketball with players no older than 11 years old.
I've always been a beliver that the ref decides what is a foul, and if there is no whistle then, either there is no foul, the ref made a incorrect call, or the ref just didn't see what happened.
The bottom line is how to get coaches to control their emotions and understand it is only a "game", not the NBA finals.
As for the question: How to approach this type of coach to open a dialog about their behavior.
By the way, the coach did not get thrown out nor where they given a T. I believe the at times, the ref's are in fear of what might happen if the do give them a T

Baseball Strategy or Bending the Rules?

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:06:43 EST

Two teams (11U) are competing in a tournament. TEAM A has only eight (8) players. By rule a team can play with 8 HOWEVER, the 9th batting position will be an automatic out for the duration of the game.
With TEAM A on offense, a runner on third base and two (2) outs; TEAM B intentionally walks the 8th batter to get to the 9th batting position (the third out of the inning).
Good strategy or dirty coaching?
We'd like to know what other youth baseball coaches think.

At What Age Should Competitive/Select Play Begin?

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:30:45 EST

I'm looking for guidelines on when competitive or select sports should start for kids. More and more there is an emphasis on tryouts and cuts for our younger players that seems wrong. Can anyone point me to guidelines on this put together by governing sports bodies? Soccer specific would be great but any credible source (incl. child development) would be good.

Starter Skipping Practice

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:04:32 EST

One of the stars on our varsity basketball team has started skipping practice for no good reason that I've been able to learn from speaking to him. Should I continue to start him?

Teammates in a Fistfight

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:10:58 EST

Two of my eight-year-old players collided during a drill and got into a fistfight. We coaches broke it up quickly so nobody was hurt, but now we're wondering what to do next in terms of discussing this situation with players and parents. Any ideas?

Some Players Socially Exclude Others

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:58:15 EST

On my U-12 team, I have 14 players. Twelve of them often gather socially and leave out the other two. How, if at all, should I intervene?

Club Coach Intrudes on Varsity Coach

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 15:42:29 EST

As a high school coach, I am facing an issue with a local club coach. He constantly e-mails me about how to do my job better, coaches my athletes at our meets (though I've told him that is not acceptable), and provides summer training that undermines our team’s workout schedule. Any suggestions as to how to get this guy to leave us alone?

My Star Player is Injured

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:59:33 EST

Our high school varsity star just suffered a season-ending injury. How do I keep my team's spirits up and keep them competitive?

Players Frustration with Equal Playing Time

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:51:16 EST

I coach U-12 in an organization that is committed to equal playing time for all players. But the huge disparity in skill-level among the players on my team has them frustrated. Players of greater skill wish we were more competitive, and the less skilled wish they could keep up. What steps can I take to keep this a positive experience for the players?

How Can Coaches Help Players Get Over an Official's Tough Call?

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 13:05:01 EST

Late in a tight game, our team was on the wrong end of an official's call. We coaches did our best to shrug it off and used PCA's "mistake ritual" as our players, obviously shaken by the call, made an unusual number of mistakes. What else could we have done as coaches to help our players?

Respecting an Injured Opponent

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:35:11 EST

Should field hockey players in junior high kneel on one knee during a stop in the action due to injury? When her teammate was injured, my daughter noticed opponents laughing and showing other signs of disrespect. Any advice on helping my daughter process this experience??

Seeking My Daughter's Reinstatement

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 17:04:02 EST

My 15-year-old daughter quit her travel soccer team near the end of last school year, due to academic struggles. Now she wants to re-join the team. How can she and I best approach her coach for reinstatement?

How Can I Help My Son Stay Humble?

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 19:17:17 EST

My 13-year-old son has had a growth spurt in the last six months or so, and he is suddenly achieving much more on the field. The increase in achievement has boosted his confidence...maybe a bit too much. How can I teach him easy lessons in being proud but humble before his coaches or teammates are tempted to teach him some harder lessons?

Opposing Coach Abuses Officials and Players and Encourages Foul Play

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 18:59:08 EST

In my son's U-11 travel soccer league, one of the opposing coaches consistently abuses officials, her own players, and our players and coaches. Her team has developed a reputation for dirty play that she does not discourage; when an experienced official disallows it, the coach complains of bias. Some of her players and their parents also behave as she does. Despite our filing reports, the league refuses to penalize her. What is our next step?

Struggling to Motivate 9- and 10-Year-Olds

Wed, 07 Sep 2011 19:25:19 EST

On the 9- and 10-year-old baseball team I coach, two players seem like they don't even want to be there. I encourage them a lot, spend additional time with them, try to motivate them, and have talked with their parents about the issue, but nothing seems to work. I am tired of repeating myself and am tempted to just teach them how to draw a walk, crowd the plate and bunt. I'd rather teach them the full spectrum of the game, but I don't want the team to continue to suffer. How can I approach this problem and best finish out the season with these two players?