My U7 boys are very energetic, fun, competitive, and good players however during practice, name calling, saying not nice things to each other, and being very aggressive with each other is getting out of hand. I also have one player that cries every practice at the drop of the hat for any time he gets touched and blames the other players for any little thing. Now the rest of the boys are making fun of him which is making the situation worse. Advice? Thanks.

Response from PCA Trainer Marc Schmatjen, PCA-Sacramento

Thanks for your question, and thanks for being a coach! With kindergarten and first-grade-age kids, one tactic their teachers are likely using in the classroom is highlighting and praising the good behavior whenever they see it, and "ignoring" the bad behavior.

When a disruptive student is talking when they shouldn't be, instead of speaking directly to that student about the negative behavior, they'll loudly comment about how much they love the behavior and example of Students X, Y, and Z who are observing the class rule of not speaking out of turn. Kids want attention above almost everything else, so when you focus your attention toward only the good, the disrupting children will usually change their behavior to get in on the positive attention.

We define culture at PCA as "The Way We Do Things Here." When we talk to our players about our team culture, it is very important to lay out how things are done on our team. Teachers have a specific set of expectations in their classroom, and 90% of kids will fall right in line with those expectations when they walk through the door and see their teacher. If no expectations have been communicated regarding behavior with the team, it's entirely possible that these young kids simply don't know they're out of line.

When communicating our team culture to our players - especially young players - it's best to give them a list of things we WANT. That list can be in direct contrast to all the negative behavior you're experiencing. The general idea is to give them things to DO that are what you're looking for, not a list of things not to do. Another way to put that is, "You can't do a don't." If you spend all practice talking to them about what not to do, you still haven't given them any direction on what you want them TO DO.

Examples:

Instead of: "Please don't call each other names," a more effective statement might be, "We are supportive to each other on this team, and good teammates are always friends. Friends use nice words with each other and never do name calling. Thanks to Aiden and Matt for always being good friends and using nice words."

Instead of: "Quit shoving each other," a more effective statement would be, "We are a team that keeps our hands to ourselves and helps each other. The only time we should be touching one of our teammates is to congratulate them, or to help them up off the ground. Thanks to Aiden and Matt for always keeping their hands to themselves and being good teammates. Great job, guys."

As far as your crier, I got some advice from a coach a few years ago that might help. He would use this tactic to thwart the "class clown" who always wanted to steal the ball and run away with it during a drill (seeking attention the wrong way). The minute the kid snagged the ball and took off, the coach would blow the whistle and immediately get the rest of the team going on a new super-fun drill that he had in his back pocket, just waiting to use. He'd keep one eye on the class clown to make sure he was ok, but otherwise he would totally ignore him. It only took one or two times before the disruptive kid fell right in line so he could have fun and get the attention (positively) that he was craving. You might be successful with that approach. When the unwarranted waterworks start, you could move him off to his water bottle to "take a break and get himself calmed down" while everyone else starts the new super-fun drill.

I hope this helps!