"Hi. I coach a youth football team with 11-12-year-olds. I feel like I'm being undermined by the parents and I'm only into my 5th practice of the season. Tonight I lost my cool and took it out on the kids. However, we cannot even do our stretches correctly. Making a team circle is a challenge. Most of the players cannot retain the playbook (4 plays). I've been in coaching for 4 decades and never seen anything quite like this. For the record, the league President (friend, coach and we worked together for 2 years) divided up our teams. The parents aren't happy with the arrangement and are taking it out on me personally. They will not talk to me directly and go to the league President (their former head coach). What can I do? Furthermore, none of my assistants asked to volunteer through me. They went to the LP. I send out emails all the time about practice plans and team strategies. None of them email me back. I feel like I'm being undermined all for being a volunteer when no one else wanted the top job- Please help!"
Response from Ruben Nieves, PCA Director of Training
Unfortunately, there are many people in the U.S who generously volunteer a huge chunk of time and energy to be a volunteer sports coach, only to not be supported or even appreciated by the folks they are trying to serve. This response is divided into three issues that you bring up. You ask "What can I do?" about the parents not talking directly with you and instead going to the league president. You can talk directly to the president (who is your "friend") and ask for his/her help. He/she can help you by insisting to parents that they address any concerns directly with you, unless their concern is for safety or abuse. Only after speaking directly with you first and giving you a chance to act/respond, are the parents to bring the matter to the president. The league president has a responsibility to fairly support all involved in the league, including coaches who are being mistreated. Nobody is in a stronger position to help with this matter than the league president.
Another concern you have is about losing your cool with a group of kids who are not living up to your expectations for 11-12 year old football players. Your expectations are based on your past experience of four decades of coaching. Quite honestly, it is not surprising that these players would not respond positively to you based on what is being modeled for them by their parents and your assistant coaches. Firstly, I suggest that you set the goal of never "taking it out on the kids" again. This will only lessen their respect for you, and as you are aware, just isn't fair to them. Secondly, I suggest a team meeting in which the players decide what they want to accomplish, what they want the standards to be, and what they want you to hold them accountable for. Then you coach to that. It's about what kind of experience they want, and it's about what they want to accomplish. As coaches, all we can do is try our best to make that happen.
And finally, your concern about being undermined by the parents and assistant coaches! I suggest you meet with the coaches and parents and let them know what kind of experience the players told you they want, and that you are willing to work hard to provide that. But, that you can only do it with the support of assistant coaches and parents. Let them know that if the group prefers for you to step aside, that you are willing to do that. You have volunteered to serve their children to the best of your abilities, and if they have a better way to make the experience a positive one for their children, you don't want to get in the way. If they want you to remain as the Head Coach, you will be happy to give the players your best effort, as long as it is with the genuine support of the parents and assistant coaches.
